Christmas songs on the radio, Christmas mass, decorations, shopping at the mall…there are so many things that are a part of celebrating the holiday (or other holidays if you don’t celebrate Christmas.) When you are in the process of trying to start your family, those things don’t necessarily make you feel festive. They can be reminders of what you are missing and hoping for. I know for me certain songs would make me feel sad. Or going to mass on Christmas Eve would make me long for the child I didn’t have because I would see all of these other families around us. And even just decorating was sometimes hard to do. It was all a reminder.
I have friends right now that are right where we were 2 1/2 years ago. Right in that waiting stage. Homestudy….check. Profiles…check. Waiting to be chosen…check. And when you get to that point, things are out of your hands. You have to hold onto the hope that the right expectant parents are going to come along and see your profile and feel a connection.
This is just my opinion, but I just wanted to say it’s okay to give yourself permission to not do the things you aren’t up to doing. It’s okay to say ‘no thank you’ to an invitation to a holiday event if you aren’t up for it. It’s okay to avoid the mall. It’s okay to turn the tv off if something comes on that upsets you or makes you sad. I think it’s all part of self-preservation.
The right expectant parents are going to come along. They are going to see your profile and see the kind of wonderful people that you are. Your baby is going to find you, and you will be parents. That I definitely believe with all my heart.
If you are reading this, and you are waiting to adopt right now or will be in the future, I just want to wish you peace during the next month. I know it can be hard, and I haven’t forgotten what it’s like.
6 comments:
Thank you for your kind words. This is exactly where we are. This year feels more hopeful that last year when we were reeling from miscarriage #4 and starting to consider other options but we are still not parents just yet. So far the advent season has started well and we are not feeling too sad, but I think it is so important to have the freedom to say no to invitations if trying to pretend that everything is ok is going to be just too hard at a certain event.
Wishing you a very happy Christmas season x
We just went active 3 weeks ago so the holidays aren't that hard for us this year, especially because we're going to be very busy. I have a feeling that the months AFTER the holidays, when we have nothing going on, are going to be the tough ones
Thank you for writing this post. We're approved and just waiting to be selected by birthparents now. For me, the holidays are hard b/c my sister in law is pregnant and there is all sorts of commotion b/c its the first grandchild for my mother in law. Its hard to watch/listen/be a part of all of that.
Its so nice to know that I'm not alone and not crazy for feeling this way.
I just wanted to say hi and mention we were in this stage last year at this time. We had finished our profile and were waiting. Delighted to say our newborn daughter is 12 weeks old! I, too, went through 7 yrs of infertility, 3 failed IVFs, a cancer diagnosis and then adoption. Things do get better. They do work out. I promise. And, that's the message I hope to leave through my blog. Best to you!!
That's a really sweet post. Happy Holidays to you and yours!!
Thank you for writing this post.
Wishing you and your family a lovely holiday season.
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