Thanks for reading Our Story

I can't believe that 5 weeks have already gone by since we brought Zoe home from the hospital. Wow. We're doing pretty well. Steve and I take turns getting up with her through the night. That's the hardest thing, I think. The getting up throughout the night part. I don't mind doing it; it's just hard when you've never been on that type of schedule (or lack of a schedule) before. But we're a good team, and it's been pretty good. Usually Steve would be up with her right now, but I wasn't feeling too tired, so he decided to go to bed early. He'll get up with her the next time - maybe 3 or 4 a.m.

This isn't related to getting up throughout the night or lack of sleep, but I wanted to say...

I feel really lucky to have 'met' so many wonderful and supportive people online. I have a great family and wonderful friends who have been there for us. It's been nice to know that I have an online community of friends as well. Seeing your comments and seeing that you check in on us really means a lot to me. I just want you all to know that writing this blog and having others read what I write really helps. It helped me share the hard times back when we were going through them, and it helped me share the hope I felt once again with adopting. Now it helps me share the joy I see when I see our daughter. It also helps me remember what it took for us to get here and to never take anything for granted.

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I have been a little slow with uploading some of my pictures, due to technical difficulties! This was a picture of us on October 16th over at my sister's house.

And finally, the polar bear herself! She managed to sleep through the entire cider mill, pumpkin patch, and Zoo Boo experience! She was very brave in the haunted reptile house and the amphibian fun house. Very brave.

More pictures of Zoe

Thank you so much for all of the wonderful comments on the last post! Here are some more pictures from our first few days at home...

Zoe's Grandma and Grandpa (my parents) meeting her for the first time!


Zoe's MomMom (Steve's mom) meeting her for the first time!


Aunt Janice(my sister)


Aunt Tracy (my sister)


Big eyes!


Big yawn...


So serious...


Looking at toys


Sticking out her tongue!

Pictures of our Daughter, Zoe

Today is our anniversary. October 16th was the day that I married my husband, Steve, 10 years ago. We both love the fall so much, we decided that a fall wedding would be perfect. We happened to pick Sweetest Day, too, which was kind of funny - Sweetest Day isn't celebrated everywhere; I think it's more just in this part of the country. Our out-of-state relatives thought it was very funny. We heard many jokes about how "sweet" we are!

I cannot imagine my life without Steve. He is just the best guy. He makes me laugh, even if I've had the worst day. He makes me feel special. He remembers the little things that I like -- gerber daisies, candy corn, and goofy cards. He helps me with things around the house -- he helps make it "our" home in many ways. He's protective, he's strong, and he has a kind heart. Most of all, he has loved me and been there for me through everything we've been through over the past 10 years (plus 6 and a half years of dating.) College, moving, new jobs, job loss, infertility, sadness, joy, celebrations...he's been by my side through all of it. He is my love.

In addition to us celebrating the "birth" of our marriage, we are also celebrating Zoe's birth -- she is one month old today! Can you believe it? We certainly can't! How fast a whole month has flown by! She is everything to us -- we have a daughter -- I can't believe that we get to say that! We have a daughter! Our little girl has already brought us such joy and happiness in such a short amount of time. We just love every minute we have with her.

Besides it being our anniversary, Sweetest Day weekend, and the one month celebration of Zoe's birth, today is also that day that Z is signing her TPR (termination of parental rights) paperwork in court. In our state, the birthmother goes to court to sign paperwork 2-8 weeks after the birth of the baby. During those weeks, the birthparents can decide to parent their child if they choose.

Z wanted Zoe to come home with us in temporary placement. That means that instead of going into host care (with another family) while Z was waiting for her court date, Z wanted the baby to leave the hospital with us. Of course, we were so happy that she made that decision.

It's a bittersweet day -- we are so happy for our family, but we feel such a sadness for the loss Z may be feeling. I can't begin to imagine how difficult today will probably be for Z and her family. I hope that we have shown her that we will keep our promise of staying connected through letters, pictures, and visits. We have emailed each other almost every day, and we have already sent many pictures back and forth. We are looking forward to the day that Z decides she wants to visit or wants us to visit. We have a picture of her and her family in Zoe's room. I already talk about Z with Zoe -- it's good practice for when she's older and understands what I'm saying!

We wanted to wait until today to post pictures of Zoe. I can't help but get teary-eyed when I see these photos of Zoe at the hospital. It was just a couple of weeks ago, but in some ways, it feels like such a long time. I don't think I have the right words to express what it was like to meet our daughter for the first time. I really don't.

Updates on Zoe

When we brought Zoe home, she was so itty bitty. She was down to 6 lbs., 4 oz. when we left the hospital. She was back up to 6 lbs., 12 oz by the time our Tuesday doctor appointment had rolled around. We don't have another appointment until next month, so I don't know her exact weight right now. What I do know is that she has definitely gained weight and length! When I pick her up she's still light, but she's definitely heavier than she was just a couple weeks ago. She's also a lot longer, and she likes to stretch out. She can still wear a couple of her newborn things, but she's pretty much ready to move into 0-3 months.

Zoe is sleeping pretty well at night. She will go for 3 or 4 hours and then wake up very hungry or wet. As it gets closer to morning she tends to be hungrier sooner. We've been taking turns getting up with her. Steve's more of a night owl so he takes the first feeding usually and then I'll get up the other times.

She likes to be on her stomach for "tummy time". The nurses said to put her on a blanket on her stomach a few times a day for a few minutes. She loves it. She is able to turn her head back and forth while she's on her stomach without much effort. She is so alert, too -- a friend of mine gave us a playmat for her to lay on. It has these little flowers that light up and play music - as soon as she hears it or sees the lights, she starts moving even more. She likes to pull on the little monkey and giraffe that hang down from the arches over the playmat, too. It's so cute. She had the tightest grip ever on the monkey's tail last night.

When I hold her on my chest with her head under mine, she tries to pick her head up so she can see me better. She's so so strong for such a little lady!

She loves to grasp my pinky while she's drinking her bottle. She loves to relax with Steve while he's sitting in his chair.

She's up to 3-4 oz. of formula at a time right now. She's doing well with it. Not much spitting up at all. She's a really good eater.

She likes to make noise - she makes little squeaks and little grunts all the time. It's very cute. She's really easygoing; she cries when she's hungry or wet, but that's about it.

I think she's starting to really smile a little bit here and there. We've caught little smiles when she's dreaming, but this week I've seen more and more when she's awake. It's so sweet.

We are so happy. We look at her, and we just can't believe how happy we are.

Zoe's Birth Story

I got home from work on September 15th and checked the messages on the phone. There was one from Z's caseworker - she said that Z was in the hospital. I didn't get the call until almost 5pm, and by that time the caseworker had left for the day. She had said on the message that she would get back to us when she had more information. I called Steve at work to let him know. I remember my mind was going a mile a minute. Somehow I managed to call our parents, siblings, and some friends. I called my substitute and my boss, too. Once Steve was home, we were in a whirlwind! Both of us just felt like we needed to keep busy until we got the next call. We managed to finish packing, clean up the rest of the house, return some messages, and make a dinner to freeze. Finally around midnight or 1 a.m., we decided to try to sleep. We hadn't heard anymore at that point.

On Wednesday, September 16th, we both got up at our normal times. Steve went into work just to tie up some loose ends. I tried calling the agency again, but it was too early. A little before 9 a.m., Z's caseworker called and said congratulations. Z had had a baby girl! I can't remember everything I said; I know I was crying. I asked how Z was doing. I asked what we should do next. We were told that we needed to be at the hospital at 1 p.m. so that we could visit with the baby and with Z.

Steve got home from work. We left the house at 11 a.m. We stopped and picked up a bouquet of flowers for Z. We started our two our drive to the hospital. We found it pretty easily and made our way (very nervously) to the nursery. We checked in at the nurse's station and they gave us a wristband. We were told that Z wanted us to spend some time with the baby and then we would hopefully see her that afternoon.

Seeing Zoe for the first time was amazing. The hospital staff allowed us to visit with her in a room that was inside the nursery. One of the nurses wheeled her over in her little bassinett. She was swaddled in a couple blankets and had a purple knitted cap on her head. It was probably twice the size of her head but looked too cute. She was so tiny - 6 lbs., 8 ounces. She was 21 inches long. The nurse pulled out her little hands to show them to us. She has such long, thin fingers. She pulled our her little feet - which are actually kind of big for such a tiny baby! But still so so cute. We wrapped her back up and just looked at her. The nurse said we could hold her. So I sat in a rocking chair was able to hold her for the very first time.

The whole experience was surreal. Surreal in this crazy, unbelievably good way. Steve held her for the first time and my heart just melted. He's so wonderful with her. He got to feed her her first bottle. She was so tiny I don't think she even drank 1/2 an ounce.

We spent about 2 hours with her, just holding her, looking at her, being with her. Her birthmother, Z, asked to see her, so the nurse came and wheeled her down to her room. We stayed there because Z's caseworker was on her way to meet with us. We also met with the hospital's social worker and a pediatrician on staff. Z asked her caseworker to send us down to her room for about 15 minutes.

We gathered up our things and the gifts we had for Z. We walked down the hallway to her room. When we got there she was holding Zoe in her arms and feeding her. We went in and sat down with her. We only had a few minutes. I tried to say thank you through all of my tears. Thank you for the time she gave us over the summer. Thank for letting us get to know her and her family. Thank you for letting us have time with the baby at the hospital. It was very hard to say everything we wanted to say. I explained about our gifts that we had brought for her. Z gave us a gift from her mom, Zoe's birth grandmother. It's a beautiful sleeper and blanket. So pretty and soft. Just perfect. As we left, we hugged Z and said we would keep in touch just like we've all agreed. We walked out of her room, around the corner, and bumped into Z's mom. We hugged her tight and talked some more with her. I can't say enough how lucky we are to know Z and her family.

We left the hospital and got some dinner. We made arrangements to stay at a local hotel.

In the morning, we headed back over to the hospital to be there for 9:30 a.m. We were allowed to wait in the nursery, though, and they brought Zoe to us. We were able to get her dressed in her coming home outfit. She is so tiny - she really could have worn a preemie outfit home! Z's caseworker met with us and had us sign some paperwork that would allow Zoe to come home with us. After that we bundled her up and got her in her little carseat. She looks so tiny in it! We walked down to the parking lot with one of the nurses and the caseworker. We put her in the back of my car, and drove over the agency's other office. We had them sign some health insurance forms for us and then we were on our way.

We were driving home with our baby!

She slept the whole way. We got to our house and had a few minutes to settle in before my parents arrived. What a wonderful feeling...to be home with our daughter.

Sleepyhead

Zoe is sleeping next to me, so I thought I would try to write a quick post. The days seem to pass so much faster right now. We're so busy with Zoe - she eats about every 2 hours. She's up to 2 and a 1/2 ounces each feeding. She really likes to eat - she doesn't even want you to stop to burp her or to catch her breath. She sleeps anywhere from 2 hours to 4 hours (usually between 2 and 3, though.) She seems to be more awake at night; we have saying she's nocturnal!

She likes to lay on her quilts, both on her back and on her stomach for 'tummy time.' She moves around a lot - she kicks her legs quite a bit and is always stretching.

She's a really sweet baby - very laid back and really only gets fussy when she's hungry (or wet.) That's it. I keep trying to get a picture of her smiling, but so far I haven't had much luck. She's too fast for me!

Steve's mom came to visit us this past weekend, so that kept us busy. My parents and sisters have been over, too. We've had visits from our cousins and some friends. It's been really nice. Another cousin of mine is visiting tonight, too.

I've been emailing with Z, Zoe's birthmom, and it's been good to hear from her. Her caseworker called us on Friday and said that the court has the paperwork; we are just waiting for an actual court date.

So, that's pretty much everything. We're trying to get into a bit of a routine. I'm also working on a journal for Zoe; I'm writing about what it was like to be at the hospital and see her after she was born. I'm writing about bringing her home and what that's been like. I'll use it to write down the things she does as she grows, too.

Super Zoe

I'm sorry for not updating over the weekend. We've been pretty busy. We're all doing well. Adjusting to being parents. We're used to staying up late; we're just not used to getting up all night long! We've also had some company, so that's kept us busy. It's so nice that so many people want to visit...everyone has been so excited to meet her.

Zoe is sleeping right now. She's doing great! She's going back to the pediatrician tomorrow for a weight check. She needs to be back up to her delivery weight. She lost 4 ounces when she left the hospital. She's been drinking 2 ounces at each feeding, so I'm pretty sure she'll be back up to her weight.

She's such a tiny little thing, though! Her little head fits right into the palm of my hand - I love to hold the back of her head and look into her eyes! She just started to really focus more -- she was doing it before but now it seems like she's noticing more.

She decided that she likes to sleep on her side, but the doctor didn't want her doing that. Too much of a risk of her flipping on her stomach and getting stuck. We bought a positioner and that's working well in the bassinet. She also loves to be swaddled. At the same time, she loves to wriggle one arm free. (We call her little Enchilada when she's all wrapped up in her little swaddler...I know, we're a little strange! But it's cute, too!)

We've been calling her Super Zoe! She has 'tummy time' each day; the nurses suggested we do this at least 3-4 times each day. Basically she just lays on her tummy on a blanket. It helps to encourage her to use her leg, arm, and neck muscles. Well, Super Zoe is able to push herself up just a bit and move her head from left to right and right to left. How is she able to do that already? I just think it's amazing. She looks so proud after she does it! (Or maybe that's us!)

Anyway, things are good. Yes, we're tired, but what a small thing to deal with. We're just so beyond happy right now. She's wonderful. We speak to Z through email each day. Z's caseworker thought that would be best right now (as opposed to calling.) Z even sent us pictures from the day of Zoe's birth. We now have pics of Z and her family with Zoe right after she was born. What a special thing for Zoe to have and for us to see, too. We also sent her pictures (after she sent the other pics to us.) We will send pics at our regular times, too, but it's nice to send extras in between, too (as long as it's okay with Z.)

Well, going to go sort some baby clothes and then off to bed...

***Not sure if I wrote this already, but we're holding off just a bit on posting pictures. I would love to share them, but we decided to wait until the TPR is signed out of respect for Zoe's birthmom. Then I'll post some; I have been taking a ton of pics. :)

We're home!

We are home!

Wow - thank you all for the wonderful comments. We logged on last night and read them all!

We are going to name her Zoe Marie. She is doing great - she's eating and sleeping. I keep calling her Houdini because she likes to wiggle out of her socks and mittens!

She's just beautiful and we just feel so happy. I will post more later...just wanted to say thanks to everyone. :)

So very happy!!!

This will be just a short post because we are both exhausted. What a wonderful day! We got to the hospital around 1 pm and went to the nursery. We were given a wristband that would give us access to that area. We were allowed to spend time with the baby. We got to hold her and be with her for at least 2 hours, maybe a bit more.

She's just so beautiful and she's doing great. The doctor said she's very healthy. It was pretty cool to see Steve holding her and feeding her a bottle!

We got to spend some time with the birthmom and her mom, too. I'm going to refer to the baby's birthmom as "Z." I want to respect her privacy and not post her name.

We were so glad that we got the chance to speak to Z and see her and her mom.

We're hoping that the baby will be discharged in the morning. That's the plan as of right now. So we may actually be on our way home with a new addition to our family in about 12 hours!

It's a...

It's a girl!!!!!!!!

We heard from the caseworker just a little while ago...she was born around 4:30 a.m. That's why we hadn't heard anything! I don't know height, weight, or anything like that yet...

We're leaving right now to go to the hospital to see everyone. We'll update when we can!!!!