Updates

These are two pages of the scrapbook I've been working on. Steve's mom has also offered to make a scrapbook for us, so I've been trying to save things for her, too. In the book that I'm putting together, I'm including things from our adoption journey as well as things we're doing to prepare for having a baby. Just thought I would post a couple...These two pages have to do with our nursery:



I've been meaning to write a new post over the past few days, but I haven't had the chance. We've been kind of busy with things. Plus I wasn't feeling great over the weekend - my allergies were bothering me, and I even lost my voice at one point! (Usually that happens after I start back to school and have to talk more!)

As far as what else has been going on...the expectant mother that chose our profile and I have been emailing each other quite a bit. It's been nice to "talk" to her -- I get so excited when I see there's a new message in the inbox from her!

She asked me if I would go to a childbirth class with her on Monday night. It was so nice - she even called me before the class and we got to talk a bit. Then we went to the class and learned about hospital/birth plan options. I felt really happy to be a part of that with her - it meant so much to me.

I sent her a message thanking her for including me. She sent one back and asked if I would like to be in the room with her when she has the baby. I am so honored that she would ask me! I don't think I could have smiled any bigger when I read her message!

Waiting Families

On Thursday (June 11th) we attended a Waiting Families meeting at our agency. They host one every few months. We met after Steve was done with work and drove over together. For this meeting, the agency invited a birthmother and the adoptive parents to talk about their open adoption experience. We were so glad that we went to the meeting. I recognized the couple from our agency's website; they had been on the site back when we were deciding to go with the agency. They shared their experience of going through the home study and getting their profile ready. The birthmom talked about how she chose adoption and then about how she chose the couple. After meeting and getting to know each other, they decided the adoption would be an open adoption. They communicated through emails and texts and met up with each other for appointments as well. They have a similar relationship - emails, phone calls, visits - now as well.

It was really good to hear about such a positive experience on all sides. The birthmom seemed very happy with her choice of adoptive parents as well as with her choice to have an open adoption. The adoptive parents said they couldn't have dreamed of a better situation all-around. Their daughter (who is just 7 1/2 months old) was sitting with the three of them and kept hamming it up for everyone there!

We're both glad we went. We feel like we learn more each time we go. So far, we have heard from a birthmom and her family (her mother and her sister) as well as the adoptive couple and birthmom from Thursday night. We've also heard from another couple who adopted domestically, as well as a woman who (along with her husband) adopted internationally from Russia. We haven't heard any talks from the birthfather's perspective yet; maybe we will in the future.

My Hero

If you are someone who has never experienced infertility, you probably think of Mother's Day as a holiday to celebrate all of the mothers you know. Maybe you yourself are a mom and the day is all about celebrating who you are. Your day might be filled with hugs, kisses, handmade cards, flowers, and maybe even breakfast in bed.

For someone who is waiting for "The Call" or is dealing with infertility, the day is very different. I have a lot of mixed emotions about this coming Sunday.

We're planning on spending part of the day with my mom. She's a really great mom - she loves us so much and is always there for us. She has always encouraged my sisters and me to do the things that we love. She encouraged us to be creative and to use our imaginations. As kids, she taught us how to be really good and kind people. She taught me how to think of how my actions are going to affect other people. She made sure that we knew how to be compassionate and understanding toward others. So part of Sunday will be spent honoring my mom and who she is and what she means to all of us.

On Sunday, we'll be thinking about Steve's mom, too. She isn't nearby, so we won't get to see her, but I know we'll talk. She is one of the most generous people I know. She has been so great about checking in on us through all of this. She was worried about us (like my mom) when our In-Vitros didn't work.


She was worried about us when we needed to decide what our next step was going to be. But since we made the decision to adopt, she has been very supportive by asking us questions about what's going on and by making sure that we're going okay. Part of Sunday will be spent celebrating who Steve's mom is, too.

So, we'll be thinking of both of our moms, but I'll also be thinking of my friends that are still waiting to hold their babies for the first time. Mother's Day can be so hard for people who are dealing with infertility. Think about it...how difficult is it to be in church and be asked to stand if you are a mother when you are infertile? How hard is it to see racks and racks of greeting cards and dozens of commercials all related to babies and Mother's Day when you are infertile? I admire all of the women whose blogs I read online. All of the women who have been down this same path. I am really thankful to have been able to write about how I have been feeling along the way and have you leave me comments of concern and support. I think sometimes people forget about those of us who are waiting to become mothers. I think that in our hearts, we are already mothers and this is a day to celebrate that as well.

I said that I have mixed emotions about the day. I do. Part of me is sad. I wish that Steve and I were already parents. We have married for close to 10 years. We're ready. We've been ready. We have been trying to start our family for 3 years. We've been through so much emotionally over the past 3 years. The excitement in the beginning when we decided to start trying...the disappointment when I would find out that I wasn't pregnant...the emptiness I felt when each IUI and each IVF didn't work. Last year's Mother's Day was shortly after our first IVF didn't work. I remember that I just tried to keep myself from getting upset by focusing on my mom and Steve's mom. I remember thinking that it could have been my first Mother's Day had our IVF worked.

Here we are another year later...and we're adopting. I have to say, I do feel more hopeful than I ever did before that this will be the way we begin our family. I feel hopeful when I answer the question, "Do you have any kids yet?" with "not yet, but we're adopting." Powerful words for me. They offer me comfort. I had always thought that I would get pregnant and have a baby (or two..) Steve and I had talked about how we would get to see our baby's ultrasound and feel our baby's first kicks. We talked about how our baby might have his pretty blue eyes and my dimples (and hopefully not our poor vision!) But ultimately, we know that being someone's parent isn't about having similar features. It's about so much more. I won't be getting the ultrasounds, but an expectant mom who chooses us will. Maybe we'll even be fortunate enough to be there for the appointment or to see a copy of the ultrasound. We won't get to feel the baby's first kicks, but maybe we'll get to be a part of our child's birthparents' lives - that would be an even bigger gift.

Yesterday our little local paper ran an article called, "My Hero." The authors were looking for readers to write in about why their mom is their hero. Here are some of the answers:

"She always gives us hugs and kisses when we come home from school..."
"She reads to us every night..."
"She gives me ice cream..."
"She makes me feel like the most important person in the world..."
"She's taught me everything I know about loving life, being happy, loving people..."
"She always makes special time for me..."
"She's taught me to appreciate life and not to take things for granted..."
and
"The one thing she isn't is a quitter because she never gives up on me. My mom's my hero because she never stops trying..."

This is what a mom is. This is what a parent is. I'm so glad that we decided to adopt. I really can't wait to be a mom.

He Takes Me the Way I Am

Do you know the song, "The Way I Am," by Ingrid Michaelson? I bought her cd yesterday, and I just love that song:

If you were falling, then I would catch you
If you need a light, I'd find a match

'Cause I love the way you say good morning
And you take me the way I am

If you are chilly, here take my sweater
If your head is aching, I'll make it better

'Cause I love the way you call me baby
And you take me the way I am



With all that's been going on with us, especially the waiting, Steve and I have been trying to do date nights at least once a week. He knew that I had a rough week this past week. (Thank you again to everyone who left comments for me...just had to deal with a lot of different things all at once.) He brought flowers home for me on Monday. We keep calling them miracle flowers because they still look just as pretty as the day he brought them home:



He is just such a good guy. I am so lucky to have him as my husband. He really does 'take me as I am.' He loves me and is there for me, no matter what. He tries his best to understand why I'm upset or sad and he always wants to fix it and make me feel better. He's just such a good person. On Thursday night we had our official date night. We went to a bookstore that we love and hung out for a while. We both love to read and it's fun to wander around to see what's new. I did have a book in my hand, but then I saw the title of the cd I mentioned above, and I knew I really wanted to hear the title song. It's called "Be Ok," and I felt like I kept telling myself all week long that I was going to be okay - I just needed to get through the long week. I bought it, and we listened to almost the whole cd on the way home. I really felt better after hearing it. (Hope that doesn't sound hokey.) I just think music (and art) have a way of healing and making you feel better.

Well, yesterday I came home from work and decided to check our agency's website to see if there were any changes. Every Friday our agency updates the links to our profiles. That's when they add new waiting families who have completed their home studies. They also highlight couples that have been linked with a birthmother or have had a baby boy or girl placed with them. I check the site every Friday to see if there are any changes. Last week there were no changes, but this week one new couple joined and two baby boys were placed with waiting couples. Over the past two months there have been quite a few babies placed (I think it's up to 9 right now.) They have had quite a few new birthmothers and waiting families sign up with the agency, too.

We've been so happy to see more and more couples matched and more babies placed. I guess it makes me feel more optimistic, especially since a few months ago, our agency was really struggling and things didn't look so positive.

We are hoping that our agency has shown our profile since our first update from our caseworker. I think our next update will be the first week of April. We also spent a lot of time over the past 2 weeks working on a grant application to send to an organization that helps families that are adopting. We figured it's worth a shot. Every little bit helps.

I had a nice moment the week before last...Someone who is working in my building told me that they have been going through a similar thing. She had heard that we want to adopt and she wanted to share her story with me. She had also been through infertility treatments and has dealt with loss. She and her husband chose to adopt after many years. She said they found their daughter's birthmother through an acquaintance of her mother. She said she really believes it's important to tell everyone you meet that you want to adopt. She said you never know who will know someone who is considering adoption. She also said that she and her husband are trying to adopt a second child right now. She offered to talk to me whenever I need to talk. It was really nice to meet someone who has been there before.

I hope this post doesn't ramble quite as much as I think it does! Things feel better today; I guess that's the main thing.