Our Follow-Up with Dr. K.

We had our follow-up appointment with Dr. K. after work today.

I expected to go in and have her say that we could try another round with different medications or even higher amounts. She didn't.

She said she recommended that we either use donor eggs or that we adopt. My eggs were not good. She reviewed all three of our IVFs with us. She pointed out how during IVF 2 and 3, all of my eggs were fragmented. Some had darker areas on them, too. (That means they are older - either older in general, or that they were in the follicle too long before they could be retrieved.) The higher levels of medication (which she said were the highest she would put me on) didn't help with better eggs.

She recommended that we take a break, and if we are leaning more toward adoption, then that's what we should do. I told her that I would be worried to take such a gamble on donor eggs -- what if I actually have implantation issues as well as egg quality issues? I told her I just can't go through all of this heartbreak again.

She said that she knows we'll be parents someday, and that she hopes that if we decide to adopt, that we bring our baby in for a visit.

I could barely say thank you to her. I was crying so much it was hard to get the words out. We just feel so sad. I think part of me is a little relieved at this point, too, though. We made a decision and we're moving forward.