We had a really good day on Sunday. My side of the family came over to celebrate Father's Day. We offered to host it at our house this time. We had lunch together, talked, and my Dad and Steve opened some gifts together. It was really nice.
We're treating my Dad to a baseball game, and we gave him a t-shirt he can wear to the game, too.
I gave Steve a little outfit that says, "I Love My Daddy," a frame, and a little baby book. My parents also gave him some bibs and a little book, and my sister gave him a card.
I took some pictures and as soon I can get my new camera to upload, I'll post a few. We had my Mom and my sister, Janice, take pictures of us outside, too. We thought we should probably try to take a few throughout the summer in case we have to update our profile later on.
I asked Steve how he felt about celebrating Father's Day and if it was hard at all for him. He said that it actually made him really excited to think that our baby is out there somewhere. I'm glad that he and my Dad had a really good day.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Waiting Families
On Thursday (June 11th) we attended a Waiting Families meeting at our agency. They host one every few months. We met after Steve was done with work and drove over together. For this meeting, the agency invited a birthmother and the adoptive parents to talk about their open adoption experience. We were so glad that we went to the meeting. I recognized the couple from our agency's website; they had been on the site back when we were deciding to go with the agency. They shared their experience of going through the home study and getting their profile ready. The birthmom talked about how she chose adoption and then about how she chose the couple. After meeting and getting to know each other, they decided the adoption would be an open adoption. They communicated through emails and texts and met up with each other for appointments as well. They have a similar relationship - emails, phone calls, visits - now as well.
It was really good to hear about such a positive experience on all sides. The birthmom seemed very happy with her choice of adoptive parents as well as with her choice to have an open adoption. The adoptive parents said they couldn't have dreamed of a better situation all-around. Their daughter (who is just 7 1/2 months old) was sitting with the three of them and kept hamming it up for everyone there!
We're both glad we went. We feel like we learn more each time we go. So far, we have heard from a birthmom and her family (her mother and her sister) as well as the adoptive couple and birthmom from Thursday night. We've also heard from another couple who adopted domestically, as well as a woman who (along with her husband) adopted internationally from Russia. We haven't heard any talks from the birthfather's perspective yet; maybe we will in the future.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Blogging Our Adoption Journey!
Our agency just started a blog called Adoption Threads. The blog is featuring news for waiting families and articles about ways that waiting families can network in their journey to adopt. Our caseworker had asked me a few weeks ago if I could write a short article about why I started blogging and about how it has been helpful as we moved from infertility procedures to adoption. I said yes right away! If you click on the link above, it will take you to what I wrote. You can also check out the rest of the blog. It can contains info such as agency news and updates, how the waiting can be difficult, and handling difficult days (such as holidays.) I think it's great that AAI created the blog. Everyone in the adoption process can use some extra support!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Two More Times
Our case worker emailed us yesterday with our June update: our profile was shown twice in April! That means that our profile has been shown 4 times since it went 'active' in December. We were told not to expect to be shown much (if at all) before we had been waiting for at least 6 months. The people who tend to be shown the most often are couples who have been waiting the longest. So it sounds like something in our profiles has matched what some expectant parents were looking for. We weren't chosen, but it's good to know we're being shown. We're close to 6 months waiting right now.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Adoptive Parents Are Expecting, Too
I just read such a great article entitled Adoptive Parents Are Expecting, Too. It's by the author of the blog, Parenthood For Me. Very timely, especially right after Mother's Day. Wish I had found it beforehand... You can check it out here: Parenthood For Me
Monday, May 11, 2009
5 Months Waiting
As of today, we have been waiting to be matched for 5 months. Someone said to me a couple of days ago that 5 months isn't very long...
Then why does it feel like forever?
It's actually been 35 months total since we decided to start our family. When I think about it all, it's hard to believe how much we've gone through in the last 3 years.
Then why does it feel like forever?
It's actually been 35 months total since we decided to start our family. When I think about it all, it's hard to believe how much we've gone through in the last 3 years.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
My Hero
If you are someone who has never experienced infertility, you probably think of Mother's Day as a holiday to celebrate all of the mothers you know. Maybe you yourself are a mom and the day is all about celebrating who you are. Your day might be filled with hugs, kisses, handmade cards, flowers, and maybe even breakfast in bed.
For someone who is waiting for "The Call" or is dealing with infertility, the day is very different. I have a lot of mixed emotions about this coming Sunday.
We're planning on spending part of the day with my mom. She's a really great mom - she loves us so much and is always there for us. She has always encouraged my sisters and me to do the things that we love. She encouraged us to be creative and to use our imaginations.
As kids, she taught us how to be really good and kind people. She taught me how to think of how my actions are going to affect other people. She made sure that we knew how to be compassionate and understanding toward others. So part of Sunday will be spent honoring my mom and who she is and what she means to all of us.
On Sunday, we'll be thinking about Steve's mom, too. She isn't nearby, so we won't get to see her, but I know we'll talk. She is one of the most generous people I know. She has been so great about checking in on us through all of this. She was worried about us (like my mom) when our In-Vitros didn't work.
She was worried about us when we needed to decide what our next step was going to be. But since we made the decision to adopt, she has been very supportive by asking us questions about what's going on and by making sure that we're going okay. Part of Sunday will be spent celebrating who Steve's mom is, too.
So, we'll be thinking of both of our moms, but I'll also be thinking of my friends that are still waiting to hold their babies for the first time. Mother's Day can be so hard for people who are dealing with infertility. Think about it...how difficult is it to be in church and be asked to stand if you are a mother when you are infertile? How hard is it to see racks and racks of greeting cards and dozens of commercials all related to babies and Mother's Day when you are infertile? I admire all of the women whose blogs I read online. All of the women who have been down this same path. I am really thankful to have been able to write about how I have been feeling along the way and have you leave me comments of concern and support. I think sometimes people forget about those of us who are waiting to become mothers. I think that in our hearts, we are already mothers and this is a day to celebrate that as well.
I said that I have mixed emotions about the day. I do. Part of me is sad. I wish that Steve and I were already parents. We have married for close to 10 years. We're ready. We've been ready. We have been trying to start our family for 3 years. We've been through so much emotionally over the past 3 years. The excitement in the beginning when we decided to start trying...the disappointment when I would find out that I wasn't pregnant...the emptiness I felt when each IUI and each IVF didn't work. Last year's Mother's Day was shortly after our first IVF didn't work. I remember that I just tried to keep myself from getting upset by focusing on my mom and Steve's mom. I remember thinking that it could have been my first Mother's Day had our IVF worked.
Here we are another year later...and we're adopting. I have to say, I do feel more hopeful than I ever did before that this will be the way we begin our family. I feel hopeful when I answer the question, "Do you have any kids yet?" with "not yet, but we're adopting." Powerful words for me. They offer me comfort. I had always thought that I would get pregnant and have a baby (or two..) Steve and I had talked about how we would get to see our baby's ultrasound and feel our baby's first kicks. We talked about how our baby might have his pretty blue eyes and my dimples (and hopefully not our poor vision!) But ultimately, we know that being someone's parent isn't about having similar features. It's about so much more. I won't be getting the ultrasounds, but an expectant mom who chooses us will. Maybe we'll even be fortunate enough to be there for the appointment or to see a copy of the ultrasound. We won't get to feel the baby's first kicks, but maybe we'll get to be a part of our child's birthparents' lives - that would be an even bigger gift.
Yesterday our little local paper ran an article called, "My Hero." The authors were looking for readers to write in about why their mom is their hero. Here are some of the answers:
"She always gives us hugs and kisses when we come home from school..."
"She reads to us every night..."
"She gives me ice cream..."
"She makes me feel like the most important person in the world..."
"She's taught me everything I know about loving life, being happy, loving people..."
"She always makes special time for me..."
"She's taught me to appreciate life and not to take things for granted..."
and
"The one thing she isn't is a quitter because she never gives up on me. My mom's my hero because she never stops trying..."
This is what a mom is. This is what a parent is. I'm so glad that we decided to adopt. I really can't wait to be a mom.
For someone who is waiting for "The Call" or is dealing with infertility, the day is very different. I have a lot of mixed emotions about this coming Sunday.
We're planning on spending part of the day with my mom. She's a really great mom - she loves us so much and is always there for us. She has always encouraged my sisters and me to do the things that we love. She encouraged us to be creative and to use our imaginations.
As kids, she taught us how to be really good and kind people. She taught me how to think of how my actions are going to affect other people. She made sure that we knew how to be compassionate and understanding toward others. So part of Sunday will be spent honoring my mom and who she is and what she means to all of us.On Sunday, we'll be thinking about Steve's mom, too. She isn't nearby, so we won't get to see her, but I know we'll talk. She is one of the most generous people I know. She has been so great about checking in on us through all of this. She was worried about us (like my mom) when our In-Vitros didn't work.
She was worried about us when we needed to decide what our next step was going to be. But since we made the decision to adopt, she has been very supportive by asking us questions about what's going on and by making sure that we're going okay. Part of Sunday will be spent celebrating who Steve's mom is, too.
So, we'll be thinking of both of our moms, but I'll also be thinking of my friends that are still waiting to hold their babies for the first time. Mother's Day can be so hard for people who are dealing with infertility. Think about it...how difficult is it to be in church and be asked to stand if you are a mother when you are infertile? How hard is it to see racks and racks of greeting cards and dozens of commercials all related to babies and Mother's Day when you are infertile? I admire all of the women whose blogs I read online. All of the women who have been down this same path. I am really thankful to have been able to write about how I have been feeling along the way and have you leave me comments of concern and support. I think sometimes people forget about those of us who are waiting to become mothers. I think that in our hearts, we are already mothers and this is a day to celebrate that as well.
I said that I have mixed emotions about the day. I do. Part of me is sad. I wish that Steve and I were already parents. We have married for close to 10 years. We're ready. We've been ready. We have been trying to start our family for 3 years. We've been through so much emotionally over the past 3 years. The excitement in the beginning when we decided to start trying...the disappointment when I would find out that I wasn't pregnant...the emptiness I felt when each IUI and each IVF didn't work. Last year's Mother's Day was shortly after our first IVF didn't work. I remember that I just tried to keep myself from getting upset by focusing on my mom and Steve's mom. I remember thinking that it could have been my first Mother's Day had our IVF worked.
Here we are another year later...and we're adopting. I have to say, I do feel more hopeful than I ever did before that this will be the way we begin our family. I feel hopeful when I answer the question, "Do you have any kids yet?" with "not yet, but we're adopting." Powerful words for me. They offer me comfort. I had always thought that I would get pregnant and have a baby (or two..) Steve and I had talked about how we would get to see our baby's ultrasound and feel our baby's first kicks. We talked about how our baby might have his pretty blue eyes and my dimples (and hopefully not our poor vision!) But ultimately, we know that being someone's parent isn't about having similar features. It's about so much more. I won't be getting the ultrasounds, but an expectant mom who chooses us will. Maybe we'll even be fortunate enough to be there for the appointment or to see a copy of the ultrasound. We won't get to feel the baby's first kicks, but maybe we'll get to be a part of our child's birthparents' lives - that would be an even bigger gift.
Yesterday our little local paper ran an article called, "My Hero." The authors were looking for readers to write in about why their mom is their hero. Here are some of the answers:
"She always gives us hugs and kisses when we come home from school..."
"She reads to us every night..."
"She gives me ice cream..."
"She makes me feel like the most important person in the world..."
"She's taught me everything I know about loving life, being happy, loving people..."
"She always makes special time for me..."
"She's taught me to appreciate life and not to take things for granted..."
and
"The one thing she isn't is a quitter because she never gives up on me. My mom's my hero because she never stops trying..."
This is what a mom is. This is what a parent is. I'm so glad that we decided to adopt. I really can't wait to be a mom.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Letting go a bit
When you decide that you are going to try to start a family, you don't really have much control over when and if it happens. I guess you could say that you can try to perfectly time things, but even then, it doesn't always happen. Although there are some people who say they are going to get start trying and get pregnant right away, this isn't how it happens for a lot of people. (This is me speaking as someone who thought it would be great to time a pregnancy so the baby would arrive at the end of the school year. Then I would have an entire summer before the new school year.) Well, we found out that we had no control over that.
Then after we got help from specialists, the only control we had over our situation was making decisions. For example, we decided what treatments we wanted to try. Ultimately, though, we still had no control over how things would end up.
After going through all of those procedures, I finally felt like I had some control when we decided to stop treatment. We both needed to stop. Making the decision to pursue adoption gave us back some control over the way we were going to build our family. I realize that when our child's adoption happens is out of our control, but there have been other things that we've been able to do in the meantime. Filling out the huge application and all of the forms was the giant step for us. Getting our fingerprints taken and having our physicals done was another checkmark on the list. Having our interviews completed by our caseworker and attending meetings -- all of it makes us feel like we're headed in the right direction.
There have been times during the waiting that have been hard for me. Hearing other's pregnancy news has been hard. I'm so happy for them, but it's hard to not think about our own situation, too, and how we've been trying to just start our family for the past 3 years. I am really lucky that I recently met someone through my work who is also in the adoption process right now. (I may have already mentioned this.) It felt so good to meet someone who has been there and is adopting for a second time.
So, the waiting has been hard. It's also been kind of cool in some ways. I feel like all of this is preparation. I'm working on an adoption scrapbook. It has all kinds of info in it from when we decided on our agency up until now (well, not quite now, because I have a few more pages to work on, but you get the idea.) I have had the chance to read adoption blogs written by people who are at all different stages of adoption. I've had the chance to "meet" even more people through adoption chatboards and share our experiences. I've read A LOT about adoption from children's books, to memoirs, to informational books.
I am a huge fan of Adoption Stories on tv! (I dvr them and rewatch them all the time.) Steve and I have also been figuring out what we want our nursery to look like. We don't know if we'll eventually adopt a boy or a girl so there are things that we'll have to decide on later, but it's been fun for us to plan and figure out what types of things we like.
The waiting has also given Steve and I chance to become closer. We have been really taking time to do things together that we enjoy. We love books and bookstores, so we've been spending a lot of time in them. We went to a book signing for one of Steve's favorite authors on Monday. His name is Jim Butcher, and he writes science fiction. It was pretty exciting to see how happy Steve was to listen to him speak and to meet him.
We're also going to take some kind of day trip on Friday. Not sure where yet. Not sure what we'll do. We've been talking about a couple of possibilities. It will be nice to just hang out and see something new.
So even though the waiting is hard, I'm appreciative of what we've been doing during the time. You have to let go a bit of the idea of being able to control things and just have faith that it will happen. Some days that comes easier than others.
I know every moment will be worth it when we meet our little one.
Then after we got help from specialists, the only control we had over our situation was making decisions. For example, we decided what treatments we wanted to try. Ultimately, though, we still had no control over how things would end up.
After going through all of those procedures, I finally felt like I had some control when we decided to stop treatment. We both needed to stop. Making the decision to pursue adoption gave us back some control over the way we were going to build our family. I realize that when our child's adoption happens is out of our control, but there have been other things that we've been able to do in the meantime. Filling out the huge application and all of the forms was the giant step for us. Getting our fingerprints taken and having our physicals done was another checkmark on the list. Having our interviews completed by our caseworker and attending meetings -- all of it makes us feel like we're headed in the right direction.
There have been times during the waiting that have been hard for me. Hearing other's pregnancy news has been hard. I'm so happy for them, but it's hard to not think about our own situation, too, and how we've been trying to just start our family for the past 3 years. I am really lucky that I recently met someone through my work who is also in the adoption process right now. (I may have already mentioned this.) It felt so good to meet someone who has been there and is adopting for a second time.
So, the waiting has been hard. It's also been kind of cool in some ways. I feel like all of this is preparation. I'm working on an adoption scrapbook. It has all kinds of info in it from when we decided on our agency up until now (well, not quite now, because I have a few more pages to work on, but you get the idea.) I have had the chance to read adoption blogs written by people who are at all different stages of adoption. I've had the chance to "meet" even more people through adoption chatboards and share our experiences. I've read A LOT about adoption from children's books, to memoirs, to informational books.
I am a huge fan of Adoption Stories on tv! (I dvr them and rewatch them all the time.) Steve and I have also been figuring out what we want our nursery to look like. We don't know if we'll eventually adopt a boy or a girl so there are things that we'll have to decide on later, but it's been fun for us to plan and figure out what types of things we like.
The waiting has also given Steve and I chance to become closer. We have been really taking time to do things together that we enjoy. We love books and bookstores, so we've been spending a lot of time in them. We went to a book signing for one of Steve's favorite authors on Monday. His name is Jim Butcher, and he writes science fiction. It was pretty exciting to see how happy Steve was to listen to him speak and to meet him.
We're also going to take some kind of day trip on Friday. Not sure where yet. Not sure what we'll do. We've been talking about a couple of possibilities. It will be nice to just hang out and see something new.
So even though the waiting is hard, I'm appreciative of what we've been doing during the time. You have to let go a bit of the idea of being able to control things and just have faith that it will happen. Some days that comes easier than others.
I know every moment will be worth it when we meet our little one.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Your comments
I was reading the comments that a lot of you left for me after my last post. (Thank you so much for leaving comments for me. I love reading them.) The last one that I read was this:
katd said...
I loved saying "paper pregnant" when we were waiting for Lily! You ARE an expectant mom; you just don't have any certain due date:)
I really needed to hear that. Thank you!
There are some days when I really feel like we're expecting...when Steve and I are planning things and talking about how things will be when we have a baby in our home. Then there are other days when I don't feel like this at all. When I feel down or feel doubtful. I have had some days like that over the past few months, too. I am trying to have a strong positive attitude about everything (especially with our profile being shown -- that makes me feel very hopeful.)
It's nice to be reminded that we are EXPECTANT PARENTS just like anyone else.
katd said...
I loved saying "paper pregnant" when we were waiting for Lily! You ARE an expectant mom; you just don't have any certain due date:)
I really needed to hear that. Thank you!
There are some days when I really feel like we're expecting...when Steve and I are planning things and talking about how things will be when we have a baby in our home. Then there are other days when I don't feel like this at all. When I feel down or feel doubtful. I have had some days like that over the past few months, too. I am trying to have a strong positive attitude about everything (especially with our profile being shown -- that makes me feel very hopeful.)
It's nice to be reminded that we are EXPECTANT PARENTS just like anyone else.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Our weekend
This weekend was so pretty. Steve and I took a walk to the park nearby our house. It's right on the water. We took these pictures there. It finally felt a little bit like spring! Of course, it's been snowing all day today, so obviously spring is not quite here yet!
After being at the park, we went out to dinner. This was our "date" night for the week! So far we've been really good about doing something fun each week or weekend. It's so easy to get so busy and not make time for yourselves. So we went to dinner, and then went to see "I Love You, Man." (Very funny, by the way!)
When we were at dinner, we talked about all kinds of things. At one point, Steve started talking about insurance, and I kidded him about how that's not very date-like conversation. His response: "It's not easy being paper-pregnant. There's lots to plan for." I just love that he's thinking about all of this...he really wants to plan for our child's (children's) future. It was pretty cool to hear him say we're "paper pregnant" (home study is done), too. :)
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