I Am So Grateful

Today I had a lot of reminders of how things have been tough for us over the last 2 1/2 years. To put it mildly, it was not the easiest of days.

I got home and pulled the mail out of the mailbox. I saw there was a package from my friend, Brenda. She sent such a kind, thoughtful card ...it was as if she knew what I was going to need to hear today! Brenda and I went through our IVFs together. We shared the stresses of the cycles, our hopes that our procedures would work, and our sadness when they did not. Right now Brenda is gearing up for her 3rd IVF cycle and I hope, with all of my heart, that this one works for her and her husband. They have been through so much and I know that she will make a wonderful, amazing mother.

Inside the package was a silver bracelet with a leather cord. It's just beautiful. The inscription on the bracelet reads, "Embrace the Journey." In the card, Brenda reminded me of the good things we've experienced through all of this as we have been on our journeys toward parenthood.

So even when I am reminded of our struggles (like I was reminded today) I need to remember so many other things, too:

...How I am so lucky to have such an amazing group of friends that understand and care. I wouldn't know you if it weren't for all of this.
...How I have grown more compassionate over these past few years.
...How our family supports us and loves us.
...How my husband and I are able to laugh at things that we never could have laughed at before.
...How we have gotten closer as a couple during something that can really pull couples apart.

Most of all, I need to remember that all of this is part of the journey to find our child. I really think that every part of that trip is going to make it even more wonderful when we finally meet him or her.
We'll remember all of the bumps in the road as well as all of the unforgettable moments. That will make bringing our child home even more special than it will already be.


I was trying to "pose" with the bracelet; I know I look goofy!

Monday's Meeting

The good news is our agency is not closing right now. The bad news is that the economy has had an effect on things. Not enough couples are signing up to adopt. People are not sure about investing large amounts of money when the economy is this bad.

The number of pregnant women coming to the agency seeking adoption for their children has dropped.

They need more money to send to the international programs to help with orphanages, but without additional money coming into the agency, it's very hard.

Many of the countries that our agency works with are experiencing their own problems; waiting parents are facing longer waiting times.

The agency has already tried to cut costs in many ways:

They are starting to do fundraising for the agency.
They are lookng at new ways to encourage pregnant women to consider adoption and choose the agency (Facebook, Myspace, etc.)
They are seeking donations from current waiting parents and relatives as well as families who have adopted previously.
They are raising their fees.

They are hoping that the fees, donations, and fundraising combined with new families that will hopefully come to the agency will be enough to keep the agency going for the next year.

We thought that they might be shutting down some of their offices or doing more layoffs. We hoped they weren't closing. We're willing to deal with the increase in fees. It could be much worse. They could be completely shutting down, and then we would lose the money we've invested. It would cost us even more (money and time) to move to another agency. Plus many agencies are facing these problems, too, because of the economy.

I'm glad that we know what's going on now. We'll deal with it. It's just hard. We're going to try to do some more networking in our community and amongst friends and family.

Letter from our agency

We have to attend a mandatory meeting next Monday at our agency. The topic of the meeting is how adoption (in general) isn't going very well right now. It's not exactly the kind of letter we were hoping to get, especially after just finishing our home study.

The letter said that the numbers of domestic adoptions has been down lately. We knew that our agency had placed fewer babies (for domestic adoption) during the past year. They said that not only have they had fewer couples looking to adopt, but they have also had fewer expectant mothers seeking adoption for their babies. In addition to all this, international adoption hasn't been on the rise, either. It has been experiencing it's own issues as well.

I don't have any specific answers right now. I don't know exactly what they are going to discuss. I'm just hoping that they aren't going to make major changes to either their domestic or international adoption programs at this point.

Adoption Books for Children

Brenda asked me if I could list the books that Steve bought for me/us for Christmas. They are:

I Wished For You: An Adoption Story by Marianne Richmond
This one made me get so teary-eyed! It's about a little bear named Barley and how he was adopted. It uses accurate adoption language; it addresses why someone might choose adoption; it brings up how the adoption process is involved...

"Did you ever think," wondered Barley,"that your wish might not come true?"
"Oh yes..." said Mama, remembering how long the waiting seemed sometimes.
"I wished for you through many phone calls...and through mountains of paperwork. I wished for you while I waited and waited...and waited. Sometimes," said Mama, "I didn't hear any news about you for weeks or months. But I held onto my wish tightly - like the string on a balloon."

A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza
This is a book about a little bird who lives alone and wishes for a mother. He meets animals and asks if they could be his mother. Eventually he meets a bear who shows him how they don't have to look alike to feel like a family.

We Belong Together: A Book About Adoption and Families by Todd Parr
I LOVE this book. I love the way it's written and how it could apply to so many different types of families.

"We belong together because...you needed a home and I had one to share. Now we are a family."

"We belong together because...you needed someone to say 'I love you" and we had love to give. Now, we all have someone to kiss goodnight."

Horace by Holly Keller
This is a story about a little cheetah that was adopted by a tiger family. He worries that his adoptive family might not like his spots. He finds out how much they really love him and how happy they are to be a family.

Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis
I love the illustrations in this book - there are so many great details. I love how the book is written, too...

"Tell me again how you couldn't grow a baby in your tummy, so another woman who was too young to take care of me was growing me and she would be my birth mother; and you would adopt me and be my parents."

"Tell me again about the first night you were my mommy and you sang the lullaby your mommy sang to you."

Even more than the illustrations and the writing, I love this book because it is from my parents. They gave it to us as a Christmas gift. The gift tag says, "To Steve, Wendy, and G3 (the nickname we have for our baby); From Grandpa and Grandma." Even typing that is making me cry happy tears :)

Big News!

We're.......

OFFICIAL!!!

Our home study is done and we are on file with our agency now. We got home from work yesterday and found out that our profile is on the agency's website now, too! We're so excited! I am so glad we stayed up late on Monday and finished it. Steve overnighted the box of profiles to the agency, so I'm sure that's why they were able to get it online this week. Yay!

I told Steve that we're going to celebrate tonight! This is such a big deal for us. :)

I told my sister in law over the phone last night, and she was so excited for us, too. That made me feel great. I emailed everyone on our email list, too! I'm also going to include a letter with our Christmas cards to 'announce' that we're adopting but also to ask people to mention us if they know of someone considering adoption. Our agency encourages you to network as much as you can.

Anyway, I'm doing my little happy dance right now!

Our Home Visit

This past Wednesday night we had our home visit for our home study done. We think it went really well. We talked about our house, our neighborhood, and our neighbors. We mentioned how we have a great park nearby with a splash park (I can't wait to take our child there someday...it looks like so much fun!) We also talked about how we have a library and schools nearby. We gave a tour of our house. Then we talked about what happens next. We should be on the waiting families list fairly soon - we're waiting for the final home study report to be written and then we have to wait for the proof copy of our profile to arrive. After we approve the proof, they will print up 50+ copies of the profile and we'll attach our photos to them. Then we'll send them back to the agency, and they will distribute them to their different offices.

We are both so happy to be at this point. I know I wrote it before, but I really do feel hopeful now. I know it's going to take time for everything to come together, but I feel like we are really going to become parents through adoption.

Our Individual Interviews

Our individual meetings went well. We were there for about 2 1/2 hours. I went first because I was so nervous. We looked at the photos we had taken over the weekend. I had sent a copy of our edited profile last night. We need to make a couple of minor changes. All of our reference letters are in (yay!) Our fingerprint results came back. We turned in our medical forms, too. At this point, we need to make a final draft of our profile, choose the final 5 pictures, choose the layout/colors for our profile, and send it all to the agency with another check. We'll be doing that over the next week or so.

After all that, we were interviewed separately. We talked about growing up, our parents, our siblings, our childhood memories, our religion, our jobs, any family history of violence/substance abuse, our relationship, etc.

We both felt like it went well. We feel so much relief to be to this point already. Now we're moving towards the home visit!

Just wanted to write a quick update. We have our next appointment tomorrow night. I'll try to write an update when we get home, but it might be too late.

We have been really busy. We retook photos this weekend. Hopefully we took some that will work. I'll try to post some when I get a chance. We also rewrote our profile. We'll take that with us tomorrow. We've been working on the house, too. I just want to make sure everything is really organized!

Interview #1

Well, it went really well. We were both a bit nervous before we went into the office, but we think it went well. Our case worker asked us a lot of questions. We spent about an hour with her. She went through questions about us dating, our marriage, us as parents, and confirmed some things we had written on our paperwork.

When we got home we jotted down some of the questions we were asked in case you are interested:

How did you come to choose adoption?
Do you know any birthmothers? Do you know anyone who has adopted? Was adopted?
How did you meet? When?
What caught your attention about the other person?
When did you marry? Previous marriages?
How would you describe your marriage?
How would you want your relationship to be with your child?
What is your philosophy on raising a child/discipline?
Will you work FT? PT? Stay at home?
How does your family feel about you adopting?
How would you deal with a family member that had a problem with the adoption?

Our case worker is going to read our profile tonight and talk to us about it tomorrow. We will probably have to make some changes here and there. We also looked at our photos and narrowed down the bunch. We'll be retaking some of them, too, so that they are as clear and bright as possible.

So far, so good. We're getting there...

The Home Study

I have been wanting to write an update, but this is the first chance I've had. We have been doing so much for our home study and have been so busy.

I think the last time I wrote, I had mentioned how we were about to go to our first meeting that was part of the whole home study process. We went to it and met our caseworker. She ran the meeting/class. She's really nice. She went through the whole process from start to finish; they talked a lot about openness in adoption vs. closed adoptions of the past; they talked about birthparents, etc. They sent us home with a huge binder of information, plus more forms to fill out. We had to have fingerprints done, and get physicals from our doctor. We also have to work on our profile. We had to write out a birthmother letter and then information about ourselves and where we live. They will have all of it printed professionally and we'll add our photos to it. You wouldn't think that would take so long to write, but when you want it to sound just right, it takes forever! Plus, I'll make a change and then Steve will make 5 changes...that's how it goes. :)

Tomorrow night we meet with our caseworker for our first interview together. The next Monday night we meet to have our individual interviews. After that, the caseworker will be coming to our house for the home visit to make sure our house is safe.

After all of this part is done, we will be in the "pool" of waiting families. There are about 100 couples waiting right now. It could take up to 2 years to be chosen (if we are ever chosen, because some couples aren't chosen...I hope that doesn't happen.) If a birthmother has an adoption plan set up with the agency, she looks through the profiles of the waiting couples and can choose one from them or from online. So, the agency isn't choosing you, the birthmom is. We just have to hope that someone will really connect with our profile.

On top of all of this, it has been very busy at my school. We've had so much going on, including state testing. I worked late at school, too, because I had volunteered at one of our festivals in the evening.

We celebrated our 9th anniversary this past week, too. We went out to dinner together and tried to keep our eyes open since we were so tired!

I guess that's everything for now. We're both excited to be putting everything together - I think it makes us feel more hopeful than we've felt over the past 2+ years.