Thinking of our baby...

Our family and friends have been very supportive of our decision to adopt. On one of the chatboards that I go on, some of the recent posters have written that their family members and friends have not been supportive. I feel like Steve and I are very fortunate to have people around us who are excited for us to become parents through adoption. My mom and dad are going to be such amazing grandparents. I know they are looking forward to it so much. Steve's mom, who is already a grandma to our little nephew, is so excited to know that another grandchild is on his/her way to us. She is going to be such a great grandmother and is so looking forward to it, too. I know my sisters can't wait to become aunts. They are going to be those fantastic aunts who spoil their niece or nephew like crazy. Steve's brother and my sister-in-law are wonderful parents so I have no doubt they will be an equally wonderful aunt and uncle.

People have asked us quite often how things are going with our process. I really appreciate it when someone asks me how I've been feeling. This is such an emotional process with so many ups and downs. And for us, it is just the beginning of what could be an even longer journey. (Of course, we're hopeful that it will be shorter than expected, but we know the time frames we have heard are between 12 months and 2 years.)

If you are family member or friend, or if you are someone who has read my blog before, you know what we have been through in our attempts to start our family. Month after month we tried to conceive on our own, injected fertility drugs, tried 4 IUIs, and completed 3 IVFs. All of our attempts were unsuccessful and were so incredibly hard to handle. But we did. We handled each month as best as we could (some probably better than others, I'm sure.) Then we tried to move onto our next step. That's how we are; we're both problem-solvers and we try to be proactive. If something's not working, we try to figure it out or figure out another plan.

Since deciding to adopt, some people (family members, friends, coworkers, strangers...)have suggested to us that we'll get pregnant now because we're adopting. I know the comment is not meant in a hurtful way, but it hurts so much to hear it. The fact is that only 8% of couples who adopt actually end up getting pregnant with a biological child. That leaves a lot of couples in that 92%...the odds are definitely not in anyone's favor of getting pregnant. While we would welcome a pregnancy, it is highly unlikely that we will get pregnant on our own. That's why we went to an reproductive specialist in the first place. And if a pregnancy were to happen, great. It would be a blessing. However, after our 3rd and final IVF, I started to see that I needed to start to deal with the fact that I will most likely not experience my (our) own pregnancy. This has not been easy for me, especially as other people I know have experienced their own recently. This past month I dealt with another cycle gone by, as 2 other people I know gave birth.

While God may not have me being pregnant in mind, I do believe that we are meant to be parents. That I do not doubt for one second. We have a HUGE amount of love to give a child. We want to see his or her smiling face every morning when our baby wakes up. We want to kiss away the tears when the boo-boos happen. We want to hold our baby and rock him or her to sleep in our arms.

Our baby. That sounds so wonderful. And our baby is going to come to us through adoption, and we will be honored and blessed to have it happen that way. Adoption is not a second choice for us; it is another choice, and it is our best choice.

Our good news

We found out last week that our agency is able to stay open! They had enough waiting families agree to the new fee schedule. We are so happy!

I Am So Grateful

Today I had a lot of reminders of how things have been tough for us over the last 2 1/2 years. To put it mildly, it was not the easiest of days.

I got home and pulled the mail out of the mailbox. I saw there was a package from my friend, Brenda. She sent such a kind, thoughtful card ...it was as if she knew what I was going to need to hear today! Brenda and I went through our IVFs together. We shared the stresses of the cycles, our hopes that our procedures would work, and our sadness when they did not. Right now Brenda is gearing up for her 3rd IVF cycle and I hope, with all of my heart, that this one works for her and her husband. They have been through so much and I know that she will make a wonderful, amazing mother.

Inside the package was a silver bracelet with a leather cord. It's just beautiful. The inscription on the bracelet reads, "Embrace the Journey." In the card, Brenda reminded me of the good things we've experienced through all of this as we have been on our journeys toward parenthood.

So even when I am reminded of our struggles (like I was reminded today) I need to remember so many other things, too:

...How I am so lucky to have such an amazing group of friends that understand and care. I wouldn't know you if it weren't for all of this.
...How I have grown more compassionate over these past few years.
...How our family supports us and loves us.
...How my husband and I are able to laugh at things that we never could have laughed at before.
...How we have gotten closer as a couple during something that can really pull couples apart.

Most of all, I need to remember that all of this is part of the journey to find our child. I really think that every part of that trip is going to make it even more wonderful when we finally meet him or her.
We'll remember all of the bumps in the road as well as all of the unforgettable moments. That will make bringing our child home even more special than it will already be.


I was trying to "pose" with the bracelet; I know I look goofy!

Monday's Meeting

The good news is our agency is not closing right now. The bad news is that the economy has had an effect on things. Not enough couples are signing up to adopt. People are not sure about investing large amounts of money when the economy is this bad.

The number of pregnant women coming to the agency seeking adoption for their children has dropped.

They need more money to send to the international programs to help with orphanages, but without additional money coming into the agency, it's very hard.

Many of the countries that our agency works with are experiencing their own problems; waiting parents are facing longer waiting times.

The agency has already tried to cut costs in many ways:

They are starting to do fundraising for the agency.
They are lookng at new ways to encourage pregnant women to consider adoption and choose the agency (Facebook, Myspace, etc.)
They are seeking donations from current waiting parents and relatives as well as families who have adopted previously.
They are raising their fees.

They are hoping that the fees, donations, and fundraising combined with new families that will hopefully come to the agency will be enough to keep the agency going for the next year.

We thought that they might be shutting down some of their offices or doing more layoffs. We hoped they weren't closing. We're willing to deal with the increase in fees. It could be much worse. They could be completely shutting down, and then we would lose the money we've invested. It would cost us even more (money and time) to move to another agency. Plus many agencies are facing these problems, too, because of the economy.

I'm glad that we know what's going on now. We'll deal with it. It's just hard. We're going to try to do some more networking in our community and amongst friends and family.

Letter from our agency

We have to attend a mandatory meeting next Monday at our agency. The topic of the meeting is how adoption (in general) isn't going very well right now. It's not exactly the kind of letter we were hoping to get, especially after just finishing our home study.

The letter said that the numbers of domestic adoptions has been down lately. We knew that our agency had placed fewer babies (for domestic adoption) during the past year. They said that not only have they had fewer couples looking to adopt, but they have also had fewer expectant mothers seeking adoption for their babies. In addition to all this, international adoption hasn't been on the rise, either. It has been experiencing it's own issues as well.

I don't have any specific answers right now. I don't know exactly what they are going to discuss. I'm just hoping that they aren't going to make major changes to either their domestic or international adoption programs at this point.

Adoption Books for Children

Brenda asked me if I could list the books that Steve bought for me/us for Christmas. They are:

I Wished For You: An Adoption Story by Marianne Richmond
This one made me get so teary-eyed! It's about a little bear named Barley and how he was adopted. It uses accurate adoption language; it addresses why someone might choose adoption; it brings up how the adoption process is involved...

"Did you ever think," wondered Barley,"that your wish might not come true?"
"Oh yes..." said Mama, remembering how long the waiting seemed sometimes.
"I wished for you through many phone calls...and through mountains of paperwork. I wished for you while I waited and waited...and waited. Sometimes," said Mama, "I didn't hear any news about you for weeks or months. But I held onto my wish tightly - like the string on a balloon."

A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza
This is a book about a little bird who lives alone and wishes for a mother. He meets animals and asks if they could be his mother. Eventually he meets a bear who shows him how they don't have to look alike to feel like a family.

We Belong Together: A Book About Adoption and Families by Todd Parr
I LOVE this book. I love the way it's written and how it could apply to so many different types of families.

"We belong together because...you needed a home and I had one to share. Now we are a family."

"We belong together because...you needed someone to say 'I love you" and we had love to give. Now, we all have someone to kiss goodnight."

Horace by Holly Keller
This is a story about a little cheetah that was adopted by a tiger family. He worries that his adoptive family might not like his spots. He finds out how much they really love him and how happy they are to be a family.

Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis
I love the illustrations in this book - there are so many great details. I love how the book is written, too...

"Tell me again how you couldn't grow a baby in your tummy, so another woman who was too young to take care of me was growing me and she would be my birth mother; and you would adopt me and be my parents."

"Tell me again about the first night you were my mommy and you sang the lullaby your mommy sang to you."

Even more than the illustrations and the writing, I love this book because it is from my parents. They gave it to us as a Christmas gift. The gift tag says, "To Steve, Wendy, and G3 (the nickname we have for our baby); From Grandpa and Grandma." Even typing that is making me cry happy tears :)

Big News!

We're.......

OFFICIAL!!!

Our home study is done and we are on file with our agency now. We got home from work yesterday and found out that our profile is on the agency's website now, too! We're so excited! I am so glad we stayed up late on Monday and finished it. Steve overnighted the box of profiles to the agency, so I'm sure that's why they were able to get it online this week. Yay!

I told Steve that we're going to celebrate tonight! This is such a big deal for us. :)

I told my sister in law over the phone last night, and she was so excited for us, too. That made me feel great. I emailed everyone on our email list, too! I'm also going to include a letter with our Christmas cards to 'announce' that we're adopting but also to ask people to mention us if they know of someone considering adoption. Our agency encourages you to network as much as you can.

Anyway, I'm doing my little happy dance right now!

Our Home Visit

This past Wednesday night we had our home visit for our home study done. We think it went really well. We talked about our house, our neighborhood, and our neighbors. We mentioned how we have a great park nearby with a splash park (I can't wait to take our child there someday...it looks like so much fun!) We also talked about how we have a library and schools nearby. We gave a tour of our house. Then we talked about what happens next. We should be on the waiting families list fairly soon - we're waiting for the final home study report to be written and then we have to wait for the proof copy of our profile to arrive. After we approve the proof, they will print up 50+ copies of the profile and we'll attach our photos to them. Then we'll send them back to the agency, and they will distribute them to their different offices.

We are both so happy to be at this point. I know I wrote it before, but I really do feel hopeful now. I know it's going to take time for everything to come together, but I feel like we are really going to become parents through adoption.

Our Individual Interviews

Our individual meetings went well. We were there for about 2 1/2 hours. I went first because I was so nervous. We looked at the photos we had taken over the weekend. I had sent a copy of our edited profile last night. We need to make a couple of minor changes. All of our reference letters are in (yay!) Our fingerprint results came back. We turned in our medical forms, too. At this point, we need to make a final draft of our profile, choose the final 5 pictures, choose the layout/colors for our profile, and send it all to the agency with another check. We'll be doing that over the next week or so.

After all that, we were interviewed separately. We talked about growing up, our parents, our siblings, our childhood memories, our religion, our jobs, any family history of violence/substance abuse, our relationship, etc.

We both felt like it went well. We feel so much relief to be to this point already. Now we're moving towards the home visit!

Just wanted to write a quick update. We have our next appointment tomorrow night. I'll try to write an update when we get home, but it might be too late.

We have been really busy. We retook photos this weekend. Hopefully we took some that will work. I'll try to post some when I get a chance. We also rewrote our profile. We'll take that with us tomorrow. We've been working on the house, too. I just want to make sure everything is really organized!