I checked our agency's waiting families list yesterday. It looks like there are two new couples listed, and 2 couples that are now matched with expectant mothers. I'm glad that there's been some activity!
I think we're due to hear from our caseworker the first week of April (if I'm remembering right.) I hope that we hear some news at that point. It would be nice to hear that our profile has been shown.
In other news...One of the couples that is using the same agency is someone that I grew up with (well, I grew up with the wife...J and I grew up across the street from each other.) She and her husband (along with their son and both sets of their parents) are in Ethiopia right now. The couple is adopting again, and they just arrived. I keep checking their blog for updates. It's so exciting! I'm really happy for them. I know they have had a long wait. This is their blog if you want to read about their story: Journey to Ethiopia...Again!
So, that's about it. I've been trying to think of other things to write about...other adoption-related topics. If anyone has any suggestions, you can throw them out there! :)
I did find one cool thing earlier...The Hallmark Channel has web versions of their adoption stories. (I'm assuming it's a tv show, too, but maybe it's just online.) I only watched one so far, but I want to eventually watch all of them. Seems like a really good thing to check out: Hallmark Channel Adoption Stories. There's a season one and two, so there's lots to watch.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
He Takes Me the Way I Am
Do you know the song, "The Way I Am," by Ingrid Michaelson? I bought her cd yesterday, and I just love that song:
If you were falling, then I would catch you
If you need a light, I'd find a match
'Cause I love the way you say good morning
And you take me the way I am
If you are chilly, here take my sweater
If your head is aching, I'll make it better
'Cause I love the way you call me baby
And you take me the way I am
With all that's been going on with us, especially the waiting, Steve and I have been trying to do date nights at least once a week. He knew that I had a rough week this past week. (Thank you again to everyone who left comments for me...just had to deal with a lot of different things all at once.) He brought flowers home for me on Monday. We keep calling them miracle flowers because they still look just as pretty as the day he brought them home:
He is just such a good guy. I am so lucky to have him as my husband. He really does 'take me as I am.' He loves me and is there for me, no matter what. He tries his best to understand why I'm upset or sad and he always wants to fix it and make me feel better. He's just such a good person. On Thursday night we had our official date night. We went to a bookstore that we love and hung out for a while. We both love to read and it's fun to wander around to see what's new. I did have a book in my hand, but then I saw the title of the cd I mentioned above, and I knew I really wanted to hear the title song. It's called "Be Ok," and I felt like I kept telling myself all week long that I was going to be okay - I just needed to get through the long week. I bought it, and we listened to almost the whole cd on the way home. I really felt better after hearing it. (Hope that doesn't sound hokey.) I just think music (and art) have a way of healing and making you feel better.
Well, yesterday I came home from work and decided to check our agency's website to see if there were any changes. Every Friday our agency updates the links to our profiles. That's when they add new waiting families who have completed their home studies. They also highlight couples that have been linked with a birthmother or have had a baby boy or girl placed with them. I check the site every Friday to see if there are any changes. Last week there were no changes, but this week one new couple joined and two baby boys were placed with waiting couples. Over the past two months there have been quite a few babies placed (I think it's up to 9 right now.) They have had quite a few new birthmothers and waiting families sign up with the agency, too.
We've been so happy to see more and more couples matched and more babies placed. I guess it makes me feel more optimistic, especially since a few months ago, our agency was really struggling and things didn't look so positive.
We are hoping that our agency has shown our profile since our first update from our caseworker. I think our next update will be the first week of April. We also spent a lot of time over the past 2 weeks working on a grant application to send to an organization that helps families that are adopting. We figured it's worth a shot. Every little bit helps.
I had a nice moment the week before last...Someone who is working in my building told me that they have been going through a similar thing. She had heard that we want to adopt and she wanted to share her story with me. She had also been through infertility treatments and has dealt with loss. She and her husband chose to adopt after many years. She said they found their daughter's birthmother through an acquaintance of her mother. She said she really believes it's important to tell everyone you meet that you want to adopt. She said you never know who will know someone who is considering adoption. She also said that she and her husband are trying to adopt a second child right now. She offered to talk to me whenever I need to talk. It was really nice to meet someone who has been there before.
I hope this post doesn't ramble quite as much as I think it does! Things feel better today; I guess that's the main thing.
If you were falling, then I would catch you
If you need a light, I'd find a match
'Cause I love the way you say good morning
And you take me the way I am
If you are chilly, here take my sweater
If your head is aching, I'll make it better
'Cause I love the way you call me baby
And you take me the way I am
With all that's been going on with us, especially the waiting, Steve and I have been trying to do date nights at least once a week. He knew that I had a rough week this past week. (Thank you again to everyone who left comments for me...just had to deal with a lot of different things all at once.) He brought flowers home for me on Monday. We keep calling them miracle flowers because they still look just as pretty as the day he brought them home:
He is just such a good guy. I am so lucky to have him as my husband. He really does 'take me as I am.' He loves me and is there for me, no matter what. He tries his best to understand why I'm upset or sad and he always wants to fix it and make me feel better. He's just such a good person. On Thursday night we had our official date night. We went to a bookstore that we love and hung out for a while. We both love to read and it's fun to wander around to see what's new. I did have a book in my hand, but then I saw the title of the cd I mentioned above, and I knew I really wanted to hear the title song. It's called "Be Ok," and I felt like I kept telling myself all week long that I was going to be okay - I just needed to get through the long week. I bought it, and we listened to almost the whole cd on the way home. I really felt better after hearing it. (Hope that doesn't sound hokey.) I just think music (and art) have a way of healing and making you feel better.
Well, yesterday I came home from work and decided to check our agency's website to see if there were any changes. Every Friday our agency updates the links to our profiles. That's when they add new waiting families who have completed their home studies. They also highlight couples that have been linked with a birthmother or have had a baby boy or girl placed with them. I check the site every Friday to see if there are any changes. Last week there were no changes, but this week one new couple joined and two baby boys were placed with waiting couples. Over the past two months there have been quite a few babies placed (I think it's up to 9 right now.) They have had quite a few new birthmothers and waiting families sign up with the agency, too.
We've been so happy to see more and more couples matched and more babies placed. I guess it makes me feel more optimistic, especially since a few months ago, our agency was really struggling and things didn't look so positive.
We are hoping that our agency has shown our profile since our first update from our caseworker. I think our next update will be the first week of April. We also spent a lot of time over the past 2 weeks working on a grant application to send to an organization that helps families that are adopting. We figured it's worth a shot. Every little bit helps.
I had a nice moment the week before last...Someone who is working in my building told me that they have been going through a similar thing. She had heard that we want to adopt and she wanted to share her story with me. She had also been through infertility treatments and has dealt with loss. She and her husband chose to adopt after many years. She said they found their daughter's birthmother through an acquaintance of her mother. She said she really believes it's important to tell everyone you meet that you want to adopt. She said you never know who will know someone who is considering adoption. She also said that she and her husband are trying to adopt a second child right now. She offered to talk to me whenever I need to talk. It was really nice to meet someone who has been there before.
I hope this post doesn't ramble quite as much as I think it does! Things feel better today; I guess that's the main thing.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thinking of our baby...
Our family and friends have been very supportive of our decision to adopt. On one of the chatboards that I go on, some of the recent posters have written that their family members and friends have not been supportive. I feel like Steve and I are very fortunate to have people around us who are excited for us to become parents through adoption. My mom and dad are going to be such amazing grandparents. I know they are looking forward to it so much. Steve's mom, who is already a grandma to our little nephew, is so excited to know that another grandchild is on his/her way to us. She is going to be such a great grandmother and is so looking forward to it, too. I know my sisters can't wait to become aunts. They are going to be those fantastic aunts who spoil their niece or nephew like crazy. Steve's brother and my sister-in-law are wonderful parents so I have no doubt they will be an equally wonderful aunt and uncle.
People have asked us quite often how things are going with our process. I really appreciate it when someone asks me how I've been feeling. This is such an emotional process with so many ups and downs. And for us, it is just the beginning of what could be an even longer journey. (Of course, we're hopeful that it will be shorter than expected, but we know the time frames we have heard are between 12 months and 2 years.)
If you are family member or friend, or if you are someone who has read my blog before, you know what we have been through in our attempts to start our family. Month after month we tried to conceive on our own, injected fertility drugs, tried 4 IUIs, and completed 3 IVFs. All of our attempts were unsuccessful and were so incredibly hard to handle. But we did. We handled each month as best as we could (some probably better than others, I'm sure.) Then we tried to move onto our next step. That's how we are; we're both problem-solvers and we try to be proactive. If something's not working, we try to figure it out or figure out another plan.
Since deciding to adopt, some people (family members, friends, coworkers, strangers...)have suggested to us that we'll get pregnant now because we're adopting. I know the comment is not meant in a hurtful way, but it hurts so much to hear it. The fact is that only 8% of couples who adopt actually end up getting pregnant with a biological child. That leaves a lot of couples in that 92%...the odds are definitely not in anyone's favor of getting pregnant. While we would welcome a pregnancy, it is highly unlikely that we will get pregnant on our own. That's why we went to an reproductive specialist in the first place. And if a pregnancy were to happen, great. It would be a blessing. However, after our 3rd and final IVF, I started to see that I needed to start to deal with the fact that I will most likely not experience my (our) own pregnancy. This has not been easy for me, especially as other people I know have experienced their own recently. This past month I dealt with another cycle gone by, as 2 other people I know gave birth.
While God may not have me being pregnant in mind, I do believe that we are meant to be parents. That I do not doubt for one second. We have a HUGE amount of love to give a child. We want to see his or her smiling face every morning when our baby wakes up. We want to kiss away the tears when the boo-boos happen. We want to hold our baby and rock him or her to sleep in our arms.
Our baby. That sounds so wonderful. And our baby is going to come to us through adoption, and we will be honored and blessed to have it happen that way. Adoption is not a second choice for us; it is another choice, and it is our best choice.
People have asked us quite often how things are going with our process. I really appreciate it when someone asks me how I've been feeling. This is such an emotional process with so many ups and downs. And for us, it is just the beginning of what could be an even longer journey. (Of course, we're hopeful that it will be shorter than expected, but we know the time frames we have heard are between 12 months and 2 years.)
If you are family member or friend, or if you are someone who has read my blog before, you know what we have been through in our attempts to start our family. Month after month we tried to conceive on our own, injected fertility drugs, tried 4 IUIs, and completed 3 IVFs. All of our attempts were unsuccessful and were so incredibly hard to handle. But we did. We handled each month as best as we could (some probably better than others, I'm sure.) Then we tried to move onto our next step. That's how we are; we're both problem-solvers and we try to be proactive. If something's not working, we try to figure it out or figure out another plan.
Since deciding to adopt, some people (family members, friends, coworkers, strangers...)have suggested to us that we'll get pregnant now because we're adopting. I know the comment is not meant in a hurtful way, but it hurts so much to hear it. The fact is that only 8% of couples who adopt actually end up getting pregnant with a biological child. That leaves a lot of couples in that 92%...the odds are definitely not in anyone's favor of getting pregnant. While we would welcome a pregnancy, it is highly unlikely that we will get pregnant on our own. That's why we went to an reproductive specialist in the first place. And if a pregnancy were to happen, great. It would be a blessing. However, after our 3rd and final IVF, I started to see that I needed to start to deal with the fact that I will most likely not experience my (our) own pregnancy. This has not been easy for me, especially as other people I know have experienced their own recently. This past month I dealt with another cycle gone by, as 2 other people I know gave birth.
While God may not have me being pregnant in mind, I do believe that we are meant to be parents. That I do not doubt for one second. We have a HUGE amount of love to give a child. We want to see his or her smiling face every morning when our baby wakes up. We want to kiss away the tears when the boo-boos happen. We want to hold our baby and rock him or her to sleep in our arms.
Our baby. That sounds so wonderful. And our baby is going to come to us through adoption, and we will be honored and blessed to have it happen that way. Adoption is not a second choice for us; it is another choice, and it is our best choice.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Our good news
We found out last week that our agency is able to stay open! They had enough waiting families agree to the new fee schedule. We are so happy!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I Am So Grateful
Today I had a lot of reminders of how things have been tough for us over the last 2 1/2 years. To put it mildly, it was not the easiest of days.
I got home and pulled the mail out of the mailbox. I saw there was a package from my friend, Brenda. She sent such a kind, thoughtful card ...it was as if she knew what I was going to need to hear today! Brenda and I went through our IVFs together. We shared the stresses of the cycles, our hopes that our procedures would work, and our sadness when they did not. Right now Brenda is gearing up for her 3rd IVF cycle and I hope, with all of my heart, that this one works for her and her husband. They have been through so much and I know that she will make a wonderful, amazing mother.
Inside the package was a silver bracelet with a leather cord. It's just beautiful. The inscription on the bracelet reads, "Embrace the Journey." In the card, Brenda reminded me of the good things we've experienced through all of this as we have been on our journeys toward parenthood.
So even when I am reminded of our struggles (like I was reminded today) I need to remember so many other things, too:
...How I am so lucky to have such an amazing group of friends that understand and care. I wouldn't know you if it weren't for all of this.
...How I have grown more compassionate over these past few years.
...How our family supports us and loves us.
...How my husband and I are able to laugh at things that we never could have laughed at before.
...How we have gotten closer as a couple during something that can really pull couples apart.
Most of all, I need to remember that all of this is part of the journey to find our child. I really think that every part of that trip is going to make it even more wonderful when we finally meet him or her.
We'll remember all of the bumps in the road as well as all of the unforgettable moments. That will make bringing our child home even more special than it will already be.
I was trying to "pose" with the bracelet; I know I look goofy!
I got home and pulled the mail out of the mailbox. I saw there was a package from my friend, Brenda. She sent such a kind, thoughtful card ...it was as if she knew what I was going to need to hear today! Brenda and I went through our IVFs together. We shared the stresses of the cycles, our hopes that our procedures would work, and our sadness when they did not. Right now Brenda is gearing up for her 3rd IVF cycle and I hope, with all of my heart, that this one works for her and her husband. They have been through so much and I know that she will make a wonderful, amazing mother.
Inside the package was a silver bracelet with a leather cord. It's just beautiful. The inscription on the bracelet reads, "Embrace the Journey." In the card, Brenda reminded me of the good things we've experienced through all of this as we have been on our journeys toward parenthood.
So even when I am reminded of our struggles (like I was reminded today) I need to remember so many other things, too:
...How I am so lucky to have such an amazing group of friends that understand and care. I wouldn't know you if it weren't for all of this.
...How I have grown more compassionate over these past few years.
...How our family supports us and loves us.
...How my husband and I are able to laugh at things that we never could have laughed at before.
...How we have gotten closer as a couple during something that can really pull couples apart.
Most of all, I need to remember that all of this is part of the journey to find our child. I really think that every part of that trip is going to make it even more wonderful when we finally meet him or her.
We'll remember all of the bumps in the road as well as all of the unforgettable moments. That will make bringing our child home even more special than it will already be.
I was trying to "pose" with the bracelet; I know I look goofy!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Monday's Meeting
The good news is our agency is not closing right now. The bad news is that the economy has had an effect on things. Not enough couples are signing up to adopt. People are not sure about investing large amounts of money when the economy is this bad.
The number of pregnant women coming to the agency seeking adoption for their children has dropped.
The number of pregnant women coming to the agency seeking adoption for their children has dropped.
They need more money to send to the international programs to help with orphanages, but without additional money coming into the agency, it's very hard.
Many of the countries that our agency works with are experiencing their own problems; waiting parents are facing longer waiting times.
The agency has already tried to cut costs in many ways:
They are starting to do fundraising for the agency.
They are lookng at new ways to encourage pregnant women to consider adoption and choose the agency (Facebook, Myspace, etc.)
They are seeking donations from current waiting parents and relatives as well as families who have adopted previously.
They are raising their fees.
They are hoping that the fees, donations, and fundraising combined with new families that will hopefully come to the agency will be enough to keep the agency going for the next year.
We thought that they might be shutting down some of their offices or doing more layoffs. We hoped they weren't closing. We're willing to deal with the increase in fees. It could be much worse. They could be completely shutting down, and then we would lose the money we've invested. It would cost us even more (money and time) to move to another agency. Plus many agencies are facing these problems, too, because of the economy.
I'm glad that we know what's going on now. We'll deal with it. It's just hard. We're going to try to do some more networking in our community and amongst friends and family.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Letter from our agency
We have to attend a mandatory meeting next Monday at our agency. The topic of the meeting is how adoption (in general) isn't going very well right now. It's not exactly the kind of letter we were hoping to get, especially after just finishing our home study.
The letter said that the numbers of domestic adoptions has been down lately. We knew that our agency had placed fewer babies (for domestic adoption) during the past year. They said that not only have they had fewer couples looking to adopt, but they have also had fewer expectant mothers seeking adoption for their babies. In addition to all this, international adoption hasn't been on the rise, either. It has been experiencing it's own issues as well.
I don't have any specific answers right now. I don't know exactly what they are going to discuss. I'm just hoping that they aren't going to make major changes to either their domestic or international adoption programs at this point.
The letter said that the numbers of domestic adoptions has been down lately. We knew that our agency had placed fewer babies (for domestic adoption) during the past year. They said that not only have they had fewer couples looking to adopt, but they have also had fewer expectant mothers seeking adoption for their babies. In addition to all this, international adoption hasn't been on the rise, either. It has been experiencing it's own issues as well.
I don't have any specific answers right now. I don't know exactly what they are going to discuss. I'm just hoping that they aren't going to make major changes to either their domestic or international adoption programs at this point.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Adoption Books for Children
Brenda asked me if I could list the books that Steve bought for me/us for Christmas. They are:
I Wished For You: An Adoption Story by Marianne Richmond
This one made me get so teary-eyed! It's about a little bear named Barley and how he was adopted. It uses accurate adoption language; it addresses why someone might choose adoption; it brings up how the adoption process is involved...
"Did you ever think," wondered Barley,"that your wish might not come true?"
"Oh yes..." said Mama, remembering how long the waiting seemed sometimes.
"I wished for you through many phone calls...and through mountains of paperwork. I wished for you while I waited and waited...and waited. Sometimes," said Mama, "I didn't hear any news about you for weeks or months. But I held onto my wish tightly - like the string on a balloon."
A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza
This is a book about a little bird who lives alone and wishes for a mother. He meets animals and asks if they could be his mother. Eventually he meets a bear who shows him how they don't have to look alike to feel like a family.
We Belong Together: A Book About Adoption and Families by Todd Parr
I LOVE this book. I love the way it's written and how it could apply to so many different types of families.
"We belong together because...you needed a home and I had one to share. Now we are a family."
"We belong together because...you needed someone to say 'I love you" and we had love to give. Now, we all have someone to kiss goodnight."
Horace by Holly Keller
This is a story about a little cheetah that was adopted by a tiger family. He worries that his adoptive family might not like his spots. He finds out how much they really love him and how happy they are to be a family.
Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis
I love the illustrations in this book - there are so many great details. I love how the book is written, too...
"Tell me again how you couldn't grow a baby in your tummy, so another woman who was too young to take care of me was growing me and she would be my birth mother; and you would adopt me and be my parents."
"Tell me again about the first night you were my mommy and you sang the lullaby your mommy sang to you."
Even more than the illustrations and the writing, I love this book because it is from my parents. They gave it to us as a Christmas gift. The gift tag says, "To Steve, Wendy, and G3 (the nickname we have for our baby); From Grandpa and Grandma." Even typing that is making me cry happy tears :)
I Wished For You: An Adoption Story by Marianne Richmond
This one made me get so teary-eyed! It's about a little bear named Barley and how he was adopted. It uses accurate adoption language; it addresses why someone might choose adoption; it brings up how the adoption process is involved...
"Did you ever think," wondered Barley,"that your wish might not come true?"
"Oh yes..." said Mama, remembering how long the waiting seemed sometimes.
"I wished for you through many phone calls...and through mountains of paperwork. I wished for you while I waited and waited...and waited. Sometimes," said Mama, "I didn't hear any news about you for weeks or months. But I held onto my wish tightly - like the string on a balloon."
A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza
This is a book about a little bird who lives alone and wishes for a mother. He meets animals and asks if they could be his mother. Eventually he meets a bear who shows him how they don't have to look alike to feel like a family.
We Belong Together: A Book About Adoption and Families by Todd Parr
I LOVE this book. I love the way it's written and how it could apply to so many different types of families.
"We belong together because...you needed a home and I had one to share. Now we are a family."
"We belong together because...you needed someone to say 'I love you" and we had love to give. Now, we all have someone to kiss goodnight."
Horace by Holly Keller
This is a story about a little cheetah that was adopted by a tiger family. He worries that his adoptive family might not like his spots. He finds out how much they really love him and how happy they are to be a family.
Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis
I love the illustrations in this book - there are so many great details. I love how the book is written, too...
"Tell me again how you couldn't grow a baby in your tummy, so another woman who was too young to take care of me was growing me and she would be my birth mother; and you would adopt me and be my parents."
"Tell me again about the first night you were my mommy and you sang the lullaby your mommy sang to you."
Even more than the illustrations and the writing, I love this book because it is from my parents. They gave it to us as a Christmas gift. The gift tag says, "To Steve, Wendy, and G3 (the nickname we have for our baby); From Grandpa and Grandma." Even typing that is making me cry happy tears :)
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Big News!
We're.......
OFFICIAL!!!
Our home study is done and we are on file with our agency now. We got home from work yesterday and found out that our profile is on the agency's website now, too! We're so excited! I am so glad we stayed up late on Monday and finished it. Steve overnighted the box of profiles to the agency, so I'm sure that's why they were able to get it online this week. Yay!
I told Steve that we're going to celebrate tonight! This is such a big deal for us. :)
I told my sister in law over the phone last night, and she was so excited for us, too. That made me feel great. I emailed everyone on our email list, too! I'm also going to include a letter with our Christmas cards to 'announce' that we're adopting but also to ask people to mention us if they know of someone considering adoption. Our agency encourages you to network as much as you can.
Anyway, I'm doing my little happy dance right now!
OFFICIAL!!!
Our home study is done and we are on file with our agency now. We got home from work yesterday and found out that our profile is on the agency's website now, too! We're so excited! I am so glad we stayed up late on Monday and finished it. Steve overnighted the box of profiles to the agency, so I'm sure that's why they were able to get it online this week. Yay!
I told Steve that we're going to celebrate tonight! This is such a big deal for us. :)
I told my sister in law over the phone last night, and she was so excited for us, too. That made me feel great. I emailed everyone on our email list, too! I'm also going to include a letter with our Christmas cards to 'announce' that we're adopting but also to ask people to mention us if they know of someone considering adoption. Our agency encourages you to network as much as you can.
Anyway, I'm doing my little happy dance right now!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Our Home Visit
This past Wednesday night we had our home visit for our home study done. We think it went really well. We talked about our house, our neighborhood, and our neighbors. We mentioned how we have a great park nearby with a splash park (I can't wait to take our child there someday...it looks like so much fun!) We also talked about how we have a library and schools nearby. We gave a tour of our house. Then we talked about what happens next. We should be on the waiting families list fairly soon - we're waiting for the final home study report to be written and then we have to wait for the proof copy of our profile to arrive. After we approve the proof, they will print up 50+ copies of the profile and we'll attach our photos to them. Then we'll send them back to the agency, and they will distribute them to their different offices.
We are both so happy to be at this point. I know I wrote it before, but I really do feel hopeful now. I know it's going to take time for everything to come together, but I feel like we are really going to become parents through adoption.
We are both so happy to be at this point. I know I wrote it before, but I really do feel hopeful now. I know it's going to take time for everything to come together, but I feel like we are really going to become parents through adoption.
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