Our family and friends have been very supportive of our decision to adopt. On one of the chatboards that I go on, some of the recent posters have written that their family members and friends have not been supportive. I feel like Steve and I are very fortunate to have people around us who are excited for us to become parents through adoption. My mom and dad are going to be such amazing grandparents. I know they are looking forward to it so much. Steve's mom, who is already a grandma to our little nephew, is so excited to know that another grandchild is on his/her way to us. She is going to be such a great grandmother and is so looking forward to it, too. I know my sisters can't wait to become aunts. They are going to be those fantastic aunts who spoil their niece or nephew like crazy. Steve's brother and my sister-in-law are wonderful parents so I have no doubt they will be an equally wonderful aunt and uncle.
People have asked us quite often how things are going with our process. I really appreciate it when someone asks me how I've been feeling. This is such an emotional process with so many ups and downs. And for us, it is just the beginning of what could be an even longer journey. (Of course, we're hopeful that it will be shorter than expected, but we know the time frames we have heard are between 12 months and 2 years.)
If you are family member or friend, or if you are someone who has read my blog before, you know what we have been through in our attempts to start our family. Month after month we tried to conceive on our own, injected fertility drugs, tried 4 IUIs, and completed 3 IVFs. All of our attempts were unsuccessful and were so incredibly hard to handle. But we did. We handled each month as best as we could (some probably better than others, I'm sure.) Then we tried to move onto our next step. That's how we are; we're both problem-solvers and we try to be proactive. If something's not working, we try to figure it out or figure out another plan.
Since deciding to adopt, some people (family members, friends, coworkers, strangers...)have suggested to us that we'll get pregnant now because we're adopting. I know the comment is not meant in a hurtful way, but it hurts so much to hear it. The fact is that only 8% of couples who adopt actually end up getting pregnant with a biological child. That leaves a lot of couples in that 92%...the odds are definitely not in anyone's favor of getting pregnant. While we would welcome a pregnancy, it is highly unlikely that we will get pregnant on our own. That's why we went to an reproductive specialist in the first place. And if a pregnancy were to happen, great. It would be a blessing. However, after our 3rd and final IVF, I started to see that I needed to start to deal with the fact that I will most likely not experience my (our) own pregnancy. This has not been easy for me, especially as other people I know have experienced their own recently. This past month I dealt with another cycle gone by, as 2 other people I know gave birth.
While God may not have me being pregnant in mind, I do believe that we are meant to be parents. That I do not doubt for one second. We have a HUGE amount of love to give a child. We want to see his or her smiling face every morning when our baby wakes up. We want to kiss away the tears when the boo-boos happen. We want to hold our baby and rock him or her to sleep in our arms.
Our baby. That sounds so wonderful. And our baby is going to come to us through adoption, and we will be honored and blessed to have it happen that way. Adoption is not a second choice for us; it is another choice, and it is our best choice.