Waiting for Cycle 19

I know cycle 19 is just around the corner. I am starting to not feel well, so I know it's only a matter of a few hours.

I'm tired of the waiting. I was hopeful that maybe this cycle, just maybe, it would work out and it would happen for us. Then we wouldn't have to go through IVF. Now I just want to hurry up and have the IVF cycle get here. It's this limbo part that I can't stand. I feel like I'm sitting back doing nothing, you know?

I've been pretty down. I'm feeling lonely, too. I just wish someone would ask how I'm doing with it all without me having to be the one to bring it up. I feel like everyone is probably sick of hearing me talk about it, so I've tried to stop. But I end up keeping it all inside and feeling bad like I do now.

I wish I could go away for a few days. Maybe take a mini vacation. I know the holidays are around the corner, but I have a feeling they won't be very restful.