I was talking about my last post with another member of an adoption board. She was asking if I felt open adoption was the best option for every situation. She and I "talked" about it online, but I realized that I really should have addressed that in my last post. I figured I would write about it here.
I think every adoption situation is different. There are so many variables that you have to consider. No, I don't think open adoption is the best option for everyone. If visits with my childs' birthparents would put her in danger, I would not allow them to continue/to happen. If visits with my child's birthparents would be unsafe for my child, I would not want to agree to them, either. What kind of danger or safety issues am I talking about? Drug use, a history of violence, negative 'influences' such as gangs...those types of things.
I do think there are times, though, when there are exceptions. For example, if a birthparent had been using drugs, but he/she had decided to seek treatment. If they were in some type of recovery program that might be a situation where we would consider visits. It really seems like it would be a case-by-case decision.
I also want to mention that you need to make a decision that you are comfortable with -- if you make a promise to have contact with your child's birthparents, you need to be prepared to keep that promise. I cannot imagine the hurt or pain a birth mother or birth father would feel if the adoptive parent broke that promise. If you research open adoption and still feel like that much contact would not be the best fit for you, then maybe a semi-open adoption would work better for your family.
What do all of you think? Are there times when you don't think an open adoption agreement would be appropriate?