Tuesday, July 1, 2008

2 and a 1/2 years ago...

I'm not sure why I'm posting this picture. This weekend was one of hardest times in our lives. I think I just want to remember a time when we were both really happy and not worrying as much about all of this.

About the picture -- We were visiting our friends in New Jersey. They happened to mention this house where the owners went all out with their holiday decorations. I decided I had to see it, and they were very happy to take us to it.

Picture the Griswold's house. But picture it x 10! I was practically giddy.

There were a ton of people, and we were even allowed to walk through the backyard. They had little scenes set up with moving elves and santas. We got to walk around and look at everything. Their front yard was also decorated to the hilt. That's where we took the picture above.

I love this picture because we were so happy that night. Okay, I was ridiculously happy for some reason - I love all those crazy Christmas lights. I guess it makes me feel like I'm little again. And Steve - well, I think he was just happy because he saw how happy it made me.

I know that we're going to get through this, and one way or another we will be parents. I know that in time, we won't hurt quite so much as we did this past weekend. I know that we're going to have some more major decisions to make over the next few months. And hopefully those decisions will lead us to our child.

I wanted to say that I really appreciate everyone who took the time to comment on my blog or to email me. I really appreciate my friends from FF, the Nest, and LP who encouraged me through this round of IVF, too. Having people understand what you're going through means a lot.

Thank you so much for taking the time to think of us.


Lost in Space said...

Your attitude is inspiring, Wendy. There is no doubt that you and Steve are on your way to becoming parents.

It's bittersweet to look back at times before IF. I sometimes just want to go back, ya know? I knew who I was then.

Hang in there, hun. You know we are all right behind you. ((hugs))

Oh, and I'm a Christmas light junkie too. *wink*

Polly Gamwich said...

I know all too well what it's like to "remember happier days". It sucks being where we're at ... and it's sad that we even have to ... but you do have to cling to the good.

I'm sorry this weekend was so rough for you ... and for the rough ones to come.

I'll be praying for you and Steve in the upcoming weeks and months as you make these major life decisions.

Jill said...

I am glad you are trying to be positive. It is so easy to get bitter and angry, so I'm really proud of you for your attitude!

You will be parents! It will happen! Hang in there!

I tagged you over on my blog, so come check it out. :-)

Karen said...

Infertility can color your life an ugly shade of gray. It's soul-sucking. You can lose yourself in it. I think it's healthy to look back and remember a time before it when you were happy and to know that at some point you WILL be that happy again. I don't think you'll ever forget what you went through, but the intensity will fade with time. Of course, I'm not far from the spot you're in now so I could be full of sh**, but I don't think so.

I'll be thinking of you and Steve and hope you find a path to parenthood that also leads you to peace and happiness in the future.

Suzanne said...

I'm so glad you are trying to have a positive attitude. I know this a hard time for you and your husband. I'm preparing for my beta BFN today. I've accepted that it didn't work and while I'm not a hugely religious person, I just have to believe that whatever happens is what my path in life is (although I don't necessarily agree with it right now).

I agree that pre-IF days were much less stressful and carefree, that is for sure! Isn't innocence the greatest?!

Please take care of yourself and hang in there. You have to keep your faith.

hopefaithlove said...

I always look at past pictures, it sometimes makes me feel better and while times I think, if we only knew then what we know now.

Lots of hugs to you.

Amy said...

Wendy...I also love Christmas lights, reminds me of when life was easy and all about having fun. Now, life is bloodwork, ultrasounds, injections and what not. Hang in there.