Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Our Follow-Up with Dr. K.

We had our follow-up appointment with Dr. K. after work today.

I expected to go in and have her say that we could try another round with different medications or even higher amounts. She didn't.

She said she recommended that we either use donor eggs or that we adopt. My eggs were not good. She reviewed all three of our IVFs with us. She pointed out how during IVF 2 and 3, all of my eggs were fragmented. Some had darker areas on them, too. (That means they are older - either older in general, or that they were in the follicle too long before they could be retrieved.) The higher levels of medication (which she said were the highest she would put me on) didn't help with better eggs.

She recommended that we take a break, and if we are leaning more toward adoption, then that's what we should do. I told her that I would be worried to take such a gamble on donor eggs -- what if I actually have implantation issues as well as egg quality issues? I told her I just can't go through all of this heartbreak again.

She said that she knows we'll be parents someday, and that she hopes that if we decide to adopt, that we bring our baby in for a visit.

I could barely say thank you to her. I was crying so much it was hard to get the words out. We just feel so sad. I think part of me is a little relieved at this point, too, though. We made a decision and we're moving forward.

10 comments:

Christi said...

I'm so sorry, I wish you and your husband the very best as you move forward with your decision

Lost in Space said...

Huge, huge hugs, Wendy. Those words are not easy ones to hear. We weren't prepared either.

I wish I had some magic words that could make this all better. Know that I am here for you and walking along the same path trying to figure it all out.

It sucks and it is so unfair to make these kind of decisions when none of the options are quite what you want right now. I know you and Steve will be parents one day. And great ones at that.

Thinking of you always.

momofonefornow said...

I am so sorry to hear that. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. I hope that you are able to find some peace with this. I know it won't be easy.

Sending hugs your way!

Lorraine said...

I'm sending lots of positive thoughts your way. It's so hard to navigate these kinds of choices when there are so many unknowns surrounding all of your options.

I wish you the best of luck in discovering the right choice for you.

Hear My Cry said...

I am so sorry. Big Big hugs to you. I pray the Lord guide you my friend.

Polly Gamwich said...

Oh Wendy, I'm so sorry. I'm sure that meeting was just D.E.V.I.S.T.A.T.I.N.G my heart just breaks for you. After all these treatments and all this hope ... only to get kicked in the chest - winded, barely knowing what hit you.

It's almost unbelieveable how difficult this whole process is. I'm sorry that you're in the trenches.

Big hugs to you sweetie ...
Polly

Suzanne said...

I'm so sorry. I know those words were hard to hear. Give yourself some time. You don't have to make any major decisions right now. At least you now have some answers and can move on - with whatever decision you make.

Babe* said...

I'm so sorry. Even though it's not what you wanted to hear at least you have some answers.

Allow yourself to grieve.I pray the new journey brings you a forever baby soon.

Karen said...

Wendy,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. For me, the grief did lessen when we moved on to adoption & our son was home ~ but there was always some saddness there. You can still grieve & start moving on. I cried almost every day for 6 months after we submitted our adoption paperwork. I just wanted to send you big HUGS & let you know if you need to talk, I am here!

Joannah said...

I'm so sorry. I wish I had the right words to comfort you.

I believe all of us on this IVF journey will become parents one day. Thank God there are many ways that can happen. I wish you clarity and strength as you move forward towards your destiny of becoming parents.